Outsiders

Several years ago, our church leadership asked those of us living in our church's neighborhood to share our insights about the needs that exist within our community. You see, not one of our pastors, or governing board members actually lives within close proximity to our church; but then that is not so surprising when you consider that the majority of individuals attending our church do not live in our neighborhood.

Why would this be, you ask?

I suppose one reason might be because we are an inner city neighborhood and life isn't always so pretty or easy here. We have neighbors who experience real hunger and aching want.

The bottom line is this. I don't think most of us ("us" meaning church folk like those who attend my church) want to get our hands or our lives dirty. We prefer a cleaner, more sanitized kind of life with white picket fences and manicured lawns. We prefer to talk about Jesus amongst ourselves more then we desire to actually do what Jesus told us to do.

..but I digress.

Three years ago, at our church leadership's behest, a small group of Christian folks who live in our neighborhood began to meet regularly. We prayed together, we read scripture together, we shared our lives and our stories....we began to explore what it means to be community and to really engage with what it means to be Christ for one another and for our neighbors. We also met regularly with church leadership to share both our insights and our hearts. Amazingly, church leadership was responsive.

Over time, things have changed. The group's composition has changed. Church leadership's involvement has changed. Things are, well, in a word, "different".

Last night our group held it's monthly meeting, and I began to sense that we've become a social club of sorts. Oh, we are still missional. We still care about our neighbors. We still pray together and we still say all the right words....but something has changed.

We are currently in the process of "defining" who we are as a group. Some individuals have suggested we need a "mission" statement. Our church leadership has suggested we need a mission statement. I'm not entirely sure why this is necessary, but hey, clarifying why we meet on a regular basis isn't such a bad thing, right?

As the evening's conversation opened, I listened to the voices around me, and as I watched individuals interact with one another, I stumbled upon the realization that I no longer "fit in" with this group of people. You see, the more each individual spoke, the more I realized that somewhere along the way, they had become a kind of extended family for one another, and for whatever reason(s), my husband and I had not been included.

We were on the outside looking in; and sadly, nobody issued any invitations for either of us to join the "inner circle".

When our time together ended, I left with the haunting feeling that not one of the persons present would care if I ever came back.

...and frankly, that bothers me.

Now I admit that I am not like the people in my church or in my neighborhood group. I'm not terribly social to begin with and sometimes it is just plain hard for me to relate to church folks. Most times, it is harder still for me to love them, but I try. I try because if I only love people who are like myself, than that love becomes something tiny, something limited. It becomes a kind of self-love versus a "god-love"and more than anything, I desire to love as God loves.

So what I find myself wondering, and what really bothers me about feeling like such an outsider is this.

I know that there are many people who are like me. People who feel like outsiders themselves. People who feel worthless, unlovable...alone.

If it is the church's heart, if it is this neighborhood group's heart, to reach out to those who are lost and to love the disenfranchised and to the heal the brokenness in our community, shouldn't we begin by loving, valuing and affirming the unique personhood of each person?

..and if I am not valued within this Christian neighborhood group, or within my church family, how then will someone like me feel valued and loved?