Alone

Last night the Social Services Advisory Board I sit upon, approved its social services budget for both the CBGD (Community Block Grant Funds) and the General Fund monies

This year we experienced a 13.7% reduction in our CBGD funding and our General Fund was reduced by $75,000.

A procedural snafu resulted in an additional reduction of $88,000 in our CBGD dollars.

Suffice it to say, the board has had to refuse funding requests for many worthy programs and sadly, the programs we did approve will be funded at levels below last year's budgeted amounts.

In other words, these reductions in funding mean fewer persons will be served, as compared with last year.

My heart aches. The people accessing our food banks and crises services are not nameless, faceless statistics. They are people in my neighborhood. The people in need of our shelters, our public housing, emergency utility assistance, prescription assistance, are often families that attend my children's schools.

Doesn't anyone get it? Each and every social service program our city funds serves flesh and blood people. These men, women and children constitute more than a mere numerical statistic. They are my neighbors, my children's friends, people I know, care about and love.

Thus it is, that I find myself soul-raw and heart-sick....wishing to God that I didn't care so damn much.

I cannot help but feel that we have failed as a community and to some extent, as a board. As for myself, well I have failed on an individual level as well. I spoke harshly and treated our city liason staff in a way that was less than gracious. I grieve those moments where I failed to value and respect this other person and I am ashamed.

It was not my shining moment as a person and it sure as heck wasn't our shining moment as a city.

....and today, I just feel so freaking alone.

Alone in the shame of it all.