Awe

One of my friends is going through a very difficult time right now.

Although I hate to see her in such a difficult situation, I am so privileged to watch her face her circumstances with such dignity and grace.

I am awed by this woman, simply awed.

Grace and dignity are not my strongest suits. I'm too self-absorbed, too fucked up to exhibit either grace or dignity when I am under duress. More often than not, I become a raving lunatic whenever I am confronted with even the smallest challenge.

I like to make things all about me, because well, everything is all about me. Ok, so maybe I'm not that bad...but truly, I really do have this awful habit of making things all about me, especially when they shouldn't be all about me.

Like this post for instance.

When I began writing I wanted to write about this amazing woman and her awe inspiring grace and dignity. I wanted to tell you how I believe that such grace and dignity inspire such awe because they are God breathed and thereby holy. I wanted to say, that yes, my friend is amazing, but it's God's grace in her that has released the awe in me. I wanted to tell you how I think her serene, old soul dignity is God's gift to her as she moves with such honesty and transparency through a difficult life transition.

I wanted to tell you about how small I feel in the face of my friend's grace and dignity and how appropriate I believe that feeling is, because in so many ways, I am so very small.

I wanted to tell you that there is greatness in our smallness....that God himself choose to enter into this world as a fragile newborn and that Christ's smallness contained mankind's greatest treasure.

But what did I do instead? I did what so many of us often do, and I shifted my focus and I began to make this all about me.

The truth of it is, life is all about God...His life in us....our life in Him.

Don't ask me how, but somewhere along the way I had forgotten that fact.

...and all I can think about now, is how very much I want and need Jesus Christ.

I have found salvation in that longing and just for today anyway, a certain kind of peace.


Oh and just thinking about this whole freedom/salvation thing has reminded me that today is the Fourth of July.

So Happy Fourth of July Everyone!