Open Hands

Four years ago, I had one of my "Jesus dreams".

It was a particularly powerful and intense dream.

I've never written about this dream and for whatever reason, I feel as though I need to share this dream now, to write it down, and to celebrate the beauty of its meaning with whomever might happen by and read this blog post today.

Most of you probably remember Mel Gibson's movie, "The Passion of the Christ." Well, imagine me, sitting in my dream movie theater watching Mel's graphic and gory cinematic production.

There I am. Watching.

I see Christ's blood spurt under the onslaught of cat-o-nine-tails as I witness the beating inflicted by Roman soldiers. I hear Christ's groans and tortured breathing as he labors through Jerusalem's streets, struggling under the weight of the cross he was forced to carry.

...and I am so in the moment, so caught up in the Passion, that I am more than a little surprised when I suddenly find myself distracted by the loud, popcorn munching noises of another movie theater patron who is seated one row behind me and slightly to my right.

(C'mon now, just put yourselves in my place. On screen, Christ is being brutally tortured and all the while, some fool sits behind me, gleefully eating popcorn as if there's no tomorrow. Now, under the circumstances, wouldn't all of that loud crunching and munching strike you as, oh, I don't know, WRONG?)

So, in my dream, I turn around and in one of those really hushed, harsh whispers that only a Mom can ever truly master I say, "Dude! Enough with the popcorn already..."

And as I turn to chastise with my eyes, who should I see sitting there, cross legged in his chair, popcorn kernels in his beard happily eating his way through a buttered, jumbo-sized movie theater popcorn?

Yeah. You guessed right.

Jesus. It was Jesus.

I am, of course, more than a little stunned to see the Lord of Lords sitting there. I'm even more stunned when Jesus vaults over the row of seats to sit beside me.

"Popcorn?" Jesus offers as he settles in next to me.

I'm so agitated that I find myself at a loss for words , so Jesus simply smiles, points to the screen and says, "Great movie, huh?"

...again, I find myself completely incapable of speech, so Jesus says, "Listen Jerri, when they get to the part where they stretch me on the cross, pay close attention to my hands. Will you do that for me?"

I mutely nod my affirmation. To which, Jesus says, "Thanks." Then, poof! Just like that, Jesus is gone, popcorn and all.

I have spend the past several years pondering this dream, wondering why Jesus would ask me to pay such close attention to his open and crucified hands.

When I think about the way Christ lived his life I am struck by the fact that he held nothing back. He lived his life with open hands, reaching out in love to all people. I think that Christ met his death the same way...with open hands. He did not demand vindication, or proclaim his innocence. He moved through his Passion with open hands, and if he clung to anything, it was his love for the Father, the Father's love for him and their shared love for all of us.

I've often wondered, if this dream wasn't Christ's way of calling me to live my own life with open hands. I cling to so many things. I cling to my creature comforts (like the toilet and the air conditioner), to my material blessings (like the cash that allows me to buy my iced venti half-caf lattes), to the beliefs/judgements that I hold about who I am and who you are, who is worthy and who is not. Perhaps Christ is calling upon me surrender these things to him and to open my hands, my heart and my life to the perfect will and love of our Father?

It is so hard to move through life with open hands and outstretched arms. I leave my inner most self, my most vulnerable parts prone to evisceration when I do.

In short, I risk my own crucifixion. And yet, I am convinced that this is exactly what Christ has called me to do....

To say that this dream has touched me and has changed me in ways I cannot even begin to articulate is an understatement. I'm not even going to try.

I'm just going to end with a prayer.

Dear God, help me to live as Christ lived....with open hands.