My messy life.

My life is messy.

There's no other way to say it.

My relationships are messy. My house is messy. Often times my heart is messier still.

I suppose that is why I long for a community of messy people.

I suppose that is why I long for a church that reflects the messy realities of daily life.

I want to go to church on Sunday and hear snoring babies. I want to see toddlers crawling under pews as they chase after their errant crayons/cheerios/you-fill-in-the-blank. I want to see pre-schoolers drawing all over the sermon notes tablets and I want to smile inside as I watch them reading their pew bibles upside down.

I want to see those elementary age children talking, squirming around, restless to play and vibrantly alive. I want to see the tweenies with their fresh, oft times anxious faces. I want to see the teens and the young adults.

I want to see young families and old families and older adults.

I want to see black faces, brown faces and all the colors in between.

I would like for my church to be the kind of church that even welcomes our four legged companions. Yeah, you read that right. I would like for my church to be a dog church. After all, I'm convinced that my dog loves better than most people. Dogs in general love better, and forgive faster. We could learn alot from our dogs in church.

And if a baby cries during a service, is that such a crime?

If a toddler dances down the aisles during worship, what is the harm?

Would it be so wrong for someone to wail with grief, or shout for joy?

What I really want is a place to be real.

I need a place where it is safe for me to admit that I often don't enjoy reading my bible, and to confess that much of it bores me to tears. I need a place and the ears to hear the questions I have about the parts of the Bible that I do actually read. I need for someone to care that I am so fearful inside. I need for someone to murmur knowingly when I express my doubt that God loves me, that He cares, that He is near.

I need a community of people who are willing to embrace me in all my messiness, who are capable of seeing the real me in the midst of this life's chaos.

And I want to see others in their realness too. I want the masks to slip away. I want for us to be vulnerable and transparent to one another.

I want us to risk making mistakes, and to forgive quickly when we do.

I want to see Jesus shining in another person's eyes because they see Christ shining in mine.

Is that really asking too much?

Is it?

I wish to goodness that it weren't.