Buyer's remorse? NOT (yet)!

I've been without a camera since May 18, 2005.

As some of you may remember, we experienced a home robbery on that date. A robbery which left us without a car, computer, and yes, my beloved little Nikon digital camera. (Other items were taken as well......but I won't bore you by detailing all of those losses here.)

I'm truly hoping that good things come to those who wait, because after two long years, I've just ordered the new Canon S5 IS as my replacement camera.

Those of you who know me, know how hard it is for me to buy anything "nice" for myself. Making this purchase was so difficult.

Even now, I struggle with buyer's remorse. I don't regret this purchase in the traditional sense. You see, I can't help but wonder how many people I might have helped with the five hundred bucks I just spent on the camera, the battery recharger, the 4 GB memory card and the camera case. At the very least, that money would have helped one of the homeless families we know pay a rental deposit for an apartment.

The selfish part of me wants to justify this purchase.

I keep telling myself things like, "Oh, but this isn't just for you, Jerri. Think how nice it will be to upload video on your blog for all of your family to see. Think how nice it will be for Janiss, Jim, Dempsey, Linda, JoAnn, Mendi and all the rest of the family spread across the US to see the video of the kids fencing, dancing, and running. Think how nice it will be to finally be able to record photos of the birthday parties, the quiet moments spent snuggling on the couch, the gorgeous Fall colors, ect., ect. Oh yes, think how nice it will be to have this new toy, this marvel of technology"

Plus, I've had to wait two years dammit. Don't I deserve a camera? Don't I? What about meeee?

Ok, so here's the deal. I am selfish. I struggle against that all the time. And yes, I could have used that money to benefit many of our neighbors in need. I could have purchased a cheaper camera. I could have bought a camera that took decent photos with decent video capabilities for about half the price I just spent on the S5 IS. I could have spent the balance helping others....but I didn't.

I spent the big bucks on a camera with quite a few bells and whistles because it will best benefit me, my family and my husband's business. My husband needs a point and shoot camera with zoom capabilities for evidence/crime scene photos. Bottom line, this purchase isn't/wasn't just about me. My husband truly needs a decent camera for his business and after quite a bit of research, we've determined that the S5 IS is the best camera to meet those needs.

Knowing this as I do, I don't feel the guilt I thought I would.

Is that a bad thing? In light of what we just discussed at our family brunch this past Sunday, shouldn't I feel a greater sense of complicity or guilt?

I don't have the answers to those questions.

If this purchase is not a part of God's desire for our family, I pray He makes that known to us.

My heart is willing.

In the face of my own selfishness, I cling to that.