Equations

Twelve years ago, I was a raging alcoholic and I mean raging in the purest sense of the word.

I'd have a drink and I'd rage. I'd rage against all of the people who'd ever harmed me. I'd rage against all of the people who'd ever helped me. I'd rage against the living and the dead. I'd rage against the seen and the unseen, against God and against evil. Put quite simply, I was filled with rage.

I wasn't a pretty sight, drunk or sober. The rage was always there, simmering under the surface. Drinking alcohol allowed me to lower my inhibitions long enough for that incredible anger to come roiling up out of me with a violent, volcanic force. For a long time, drinking provided a kind of pressure release, but it also created far more problems that it ever solved.

People drink for different reasons. I drank because I was an angry, fearful person with alcoholic tendencies. Let's see: anger + fear + alcoholic tendencies = alcoholism. It's not rocket science, is it?

When I got sober, I had to deal with all of that rage. I had to confront my own loneliness and my own fear. I had to learn how to live within my own skin. I cannot begin to tell you all how incredibly painful and slow that process was....and in many respects, still is.

The twelve steps of alcoholics anonymous and the fellowship I found in the rooms of AA, was the framework upon which I built my recovery journey. Christ was tagging along too; although at the time, I hardly understood much less recognized that fact. Meeting Him, happened much further down the road......

You know, I'm not sure why I'm writing this today. I'm sure you'd all rather hear about our Sunday Brunch menu plans. Hmmmm, am I right? (Ok, well here's a teaser: chilled sweet yellow pepper soup)

All kidding aside, I think it's important that I say this:

If you are drinking/using and you hate yourself, your life, your addiction. There is hope. You CAN find recovery. Call your local alcohol/drug resource line. Get into detox. Get to an NA or AA meeting. Do whatever it takes. Do it now. Find recovery. Choose life.