Advent

The Christmas displays are already out in every mall, department store, Target store and Walmart across America.

If this bothers you as much as it bothers me, please consider joining the Advent Consipiracy.

Or failing that, just watch the video below.

Watch.
and...
Ponder.
and...
Dream....
...of a kinder, gentler, safer world.

Green

Youngest daughter is one slammin chicka in her fuzzy green hat and boa!

She's such a lovely child.

Words cannot begin to capture the beauty of her spirit, or her humor, or her kindness.

I love her.

...and if you knew her, you would too!

Balls

This disembodied barbie head is my van's antenna ball topper!

Is that funny, or what?

You can't see it in the picture, but just below the barbie's head is a disarticulated plastic skeleton sitting atop an orange straw.

One of my delightful progeny took it upon themselves to decorate my antenna.

I think it's hilarious.

There's just something about a disembodied barbie head antenna ball topper that brings a smile to my face.

....and judging from the reactions of other drivers when I'm out and about, my antenna is cause for others to smile too!

Links

Below are four links to some pretty incredible websites.

I encourage you to take a few moments and explore each one.

Let me know what you think!

View a breathtaking Bible.
Be sure to watch the whole video.

Help bring water to families in Hale, Alabama.
Just click the house to advance the presentation.

Experience love, light and melody.
Awesome photography...soul crushing.

Explore a grassroots love project committed to living tangible acts of service for the benefit of others.
Artistic tees that rock my world.

Wildness

Next week, God willing, I will be celebrating 13 years clean and sober.

That's a miracle, pure and simple.

When I was newly sober, I discovered Joan Osborne's album, "Relish". It was raw. It was gritty and I loved every song.

This past September, Joan released a new album entitled, "Little Wild One." It's a softer kind of album and oddly enough, it fits the person I am today. I'm kind of softer too.

Some of you know that I am currently experiencing my own "dark night of the soul".....a deep and dry absence of God's presence. This morning I was listening to Joan Osborne's title track, "Little Wild One".

As I did, I pretended Jesus was singing this song to me, that I was his "little wild one." I pretended that instead of Joan, it was Jesus singing his longing for me, vocalizing His heart's desire for me to turn to Him so that he might fully heal and eternally embrace me.

It was a poignant moment for me. It was a moment when God suddenly did not seem so very far away...a moment where God actually seemed real and alive.

....anyhow, here's a YouTube video of Joan Osborne discussing her album and the song "Little Wild One."

I love this song....

Joan Osborne discusses "Little Wild One"

Correlations

Morality and the Economic Crisis
N. Gordon Cosby

I have a friend who is an attorney with a deep knowledge of the national economic crisis. He made two interesting comments:

He first said that "liquidity" is not the real problem in the market right now---it is that no one knows what anything is worth. So much stuff of questionable value is hidden on balance sheets that buyers no longer know if something is worth what it is trading for, less, or more. So no one really knows how bad things are and cannot put an efficient, valid price on things. In other words, blindness about value. That destroys the logic of the "free market" because efficiency is based on "transparency" of value.

Second, he said that as a result of the first problem of blindness about value, it is difficult to know if persons you are selling to can meet their commitments to you. In other words---blindness about the solvency of parties in the market. That also kills an "efficient" market because it destroys the needed trust that makes the market work.

In spiritual traditions of all kinds, blindness is an old theme----people who corruptly set out to blind others end up blind themselves. We ignore that wisdom at our peril. Morality, once again, is proven to be fundamental to an efficient marketplace.

Source: Conversation with a friend, September 28, 2008

Oh my!

Castles

Over the weekend I read Jeanette Walls' memoir, "The Glass Castle".

It's an amazing and beautifully written book.

The following is a video clip of Jeannette Walls and her mother talking about "The Glass Castle".

Listen to what the author has to say, and if you think you might like to read this book, let me know and I'll give my copy to you.

Jeannette Walls and "The Glass Castle"

Holes

On the way to school this morning, Youngest Daughter sighed wistfully and said, "I miss Oldest Daughter."

I replied, "I miss Oldest Daughter too!"

To which Youngest Daughter quickly responded, "No Mom, it's not the same. You had 18 years with Oldest Daughter and I only had seven. I'm missing 11 years with Oldest Daughter."

...and you know what?

I hadn't really looked at it that way before.

Even though we know that Oldest Daughter hasn't died and even though we know she's only an hour up the road, we still grieve her absence in our daily lives.

For the time being anyhow, Oldest Daughter's absence has torn a little hole in the very heart of our life together as a family. It's just a tiny hole, not a mortal wound; but knowing that doesn't really make it hurt any less.

I suppose you could say that the hole in our family's heart is kind of like a paper cut on your finger. It stings, it bewilders, but ultimately we know that it will heal.

....and life goes on.

Transition

I still remember the moment when I first learned that I was pregnant with Oldest Daughter.

I remember the moment she first moved in my womb.

I remember the moment she was born.

I remember her first poop, her first illness, her first smile, her first birthday.

....and I shall never forget this day, for today was the day that Oldest Daughter moved into her college dorm.

She's only been gone for a few hours.

I miss her already.

Celebrate

It's official.

This evening I was elected Vice Chair of our city's Social Services Advisory Board.

....and if I weren't too damn sick to celebrate, I'd have a glass of sparkling cider to commemorate this auspicious day.

God help us all.

Pickled!

Youngest Daughter loves pickles!

Thus, we spent our afternoon at our local farmer's market shopping for the perfect pickling cucumbers. Each and every cucumber we purchased was hand selected by the sweet fingers of my youngest child.

The vendors at our favorite organic produce stand smiled happily as we oohed and aahed over their gorgeous stalks of dill weed. They patiently helped us pick out the most tantalizing cucumbers and then cheerfully explained the differences between the four varieties of garlic they had nested in overflowing baskets next to the cioppino onions and shallots.

We came home inspired by all that we had learned. Inspired to pickle!

At this very moment, four quarts of the most amazing, most blazingly beautiful refrigerator pickles sit cooling on our kitchen counter.

Anne Morrow Lindberg once wrote, "When I cannot write a poem, I bake biscuits and feel just as pleased."

Me?

I cannot solve all of the complex issues of poverty and loneliness that afflict so many of my neighbors, but you know what? When I visit the farmer's market and listen to the wisdom of the men and women who grow my food, when Youngest Daughter and I lovingly hand select cucumbers and make refrigerator pickles to share with our neighbors.....well I'm just as pleased.

And my neighbors?

Well, their problems don't magically evaporate, but when we share our jars of briny goodness with our neighbors, we become connected to one another, connected to the farmers who grow our food, and connected to the God who loves us all....connected by a simple jar of pickles.

I happen to think that's something worth celebrating!

Remembering

Sad Song


I love Shaun Groves....

.....and this song is a moving tribute to 9/11 and all that has transpired since.

Jerri De Prez

Do you long to see a real change in American politics?

Are you tired of the same ole, same ole?

Pfft!

Your lamentations are over.

That's right, I'm running for the Presidency of the United States of America!

Check out this INews report and see for yourself!

Balance

1988 Paul Hunt Gymnastics Comedy Beam Routine

Is this funny, or what?

Conformist

....ok, so I watched Governor Palin's RNC address Wednesday evening.

Her smiling sarcasm did not appeal to me.

Governor Palin isn't a maverick. She isn't different. She's just more of the same.

Palin

Sarah Palin will be speaking at the RNC tonite.

I'm curious to hear what she has to say.

Rumor has it, that she intends to slam Barack Obama.

I hope Governor Palin sticks to the issues.

I somehow doubt that she will.

I won't be voting for her anyway; but still, this is an historic moment. I hope Governor Palin will rise above partisan politics and speak her peace without trying to tear any other person down.

Ms. Palin claims she's a Christian. For me, proof of that won't be in found in Governor Palin's professed love for the Republican Party, or in her professed love for the United States of America. No, for me the proof will be found in how well she demonstrates love for her professed enemies....people like me, a liberal Democrat.

This whole convention business sickens me. As far as I can see, both parties have done nothing more than set aside four day extravaganzas devoted to their own self-indulgent behaviors and hate speech.

In the end, I doubt that Governor Palin with all of her party's claims about being an Evangelical Christian and a political maverick will be much different than anyone else.

And so it goes....ad nauseum

Ruined

Dangeous Activity
Joan Chittister

Those who have no flame in their hearts for justice, no consciousness of responsibility for the reign of God, no raging commitment to human community may indeed be seeking God. But make no mistake, God is still, at best, only an idea to them, not a reality.

Indeed, contemplation is a very dangerous activity. It not only brings us face to face with God. It brings us, as well, face to face with the world, face to face with the self. And then, of course, something must be done.

Nothing stays the same once we have found the God within.... We carry the world in our hearts: the oppression of all peoples, the suffering of our friends, the burdens of our enemies, the raping of the Earth, the hunger of the starving, the joy of every laughing child.

~Source: http://www.30goodminutes.org/

Joan Chittister sums of my experience so very, very well.

My heart is aflame with a burning desire to see God's Kingdom come and to see justice realized for all of the oppressed people of the world.

My hungry stomach rumbles alongside the starving.

My back is bent with the shared suffering of my friends.

My soul aches for the raping of our earth.

The moment I met the Living Lord, Jesus Christ, God ceased being a theological abstraction.

...and that moment has forced me to live out my life's greatest paradox.

I find myself completely ruined, yet saved at the same time.

Strange but true,

...for me at least.

Choices

"Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear, only love can do that. Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it."
page 35 of "Soul Survivor" by Philip Yancey

Let's see, if I had to choose between love and hatred......

....hmmmm, I think I'd choose love.

Which would you choose?

Introducing....

Tenth Avenue North



Awesome band.

Awesome music.

Awesome message.

Veeps

This morning, Youngest Daughter (age 7) and I were watching CNN's discussion of Barack Obama's selection of Joe Biden as his Vice Presidential candidate.

"So," says Youngest Daughter, "the President gets to pick his own Vice President?"

"Yup," I replied.

"Well," she began confidently, "if I were President of the United States I'd pick you, Patti and Terry to be my Veeps."

"Veeps?" I asked

"Yeah Mom, that's what the news guy called Obama's friend....his Veep. I'd pick you, Patti and Terry to be my Veeps."

Of course, I had to laugh when Youngest Daughter said that. After all, doesn't the word "Veeps" sound like some perverted form of the word "Peeps"? But hey, nothing unsavory would ever issue forth from the mouth of one of my progeny, right?

I think what I found even more interesting than the whole "veeps" thing, was Youngest Daughter's selection of individuals for her venerable Veep crew.

I am certain that I made the list because I am Youngest Daughter's mother; and as such, I am imbued with an otherworldly knowledge of well...just about everything.

Patti, a family friend, was undoubtedly chosen because she knows how to make people feel special and loved.

...and Terry, well Terry is perhaps the most interesting person chosen for Youngest Daughter's Veep Squad.

You see Terry is our neighbor. He's a gruff kind of guy. Some might even say he's a bit crude. He's been known to drink too much and when he does so, salty language can be heard far and wide.

A lot of people probably wouldn't want Terry as their Veep; but I happen to think Youngest Daughter got it right when she announced Terry was one of her chosen three. You see, Terry for all of his gruffness, has a heart of gold.

Not only does Terry mow the lawns of our three elderly neighbors; but he edges all of our lawns as well.

Need help getting a cat out of the tree? Terry is there with his super-d-duper extension ladder to help.

Need help hauling something to the dump? Terry's there with his muscle and his truck.

Need someone to organize the neighborhood block party? Yup, Terry's there to find a band, and basketball hoops, hot dogs and sodas. Then Terry turns around and invites the whole neighborhood to the block party, not just the folks on our block. In fact, he will even invite the people who walk through our neighborhood. And the funny thing is, because Terry is so genuine in his invitation, most people come and we have the best damn block party in our city.

I'm not kidding, we really do have one of the best block parties any neighborhood could hope to have. The Latino families come. The white folks come. The gay couples come. The alternative teens down the street come. The families with little ones in strollers, the singles, the widows...they all come.

And because Terry's heart is golden, we all bask in his joy and goodness. We come together and we laugh, and sometimes we cry, but we come together.

I happen to think that's what this country really needs....we need a "coming together", like some giant national block party. We need the time and the space to speak our truth and to share our pain. To comfort and to be comforted. To dance in the streets, to shoot hoops and to slide like children on old fashioned watery slippery slides.

We need to remember our common humanity.

I don't know if either Presidential candidate is capable of delivering this; but of the two, my money's on Barack Obama and his Veep, Joe Biden.

Of course, if Youngest Daughter were running, well now, that would be an entirely different story. She'd have my vote hands down!

Freedom

Josh Garrels.
This kid's got talent.....



freedom

mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah-ah-ey-ey
professional or beginner, doesn’t matter
every sinner is a prisoner
in a body that is subject to time now
my entwined mind tries to form a straight line
not like twisted scoliosis of the spinal cord
construct, cross-eyed carpenters are cuttin’ crooked lines can’t construct man-made shrines when
the winds and the water move the sands of time
many minds on a deadline yet live life like a livewire
I’m not tired of blood and fire
the Spirit’s movin’ higher
than the green grass ever lifted me
the Spirit’s movin’ higher
than anything else ever lifted you
see, we got spirituality
it’s livin’ in us like one in three
injustice is concerning me in a nonlinear eternity
I’m speaking paradoxically
but you can nod your head when you understand me
this is for my free men
whose backs won’t bend in the lion’s den
with their eyes on the end and
this is for my free women
they fight with their love, the bearers of our children
( x 2 )

we shine like lights
exposing what lies underneath decomposing
unearthed old chains that are rusted
oh sweet Lord, is that what I trusted in?
that sin, that tom-foolery?
what it is is mental jewelry
that I adorned myself with
the enemy’s gifts, the man-made myths, the ignorant bliss of marijuana splifs and alcoholic fifths, and I got so sick and tired of it
delivered and redeemed, by Christ I mean
time to start livin’ and get a reason for the rhyme
I don’t wanna be dead wrong on the deadline
standing on the dark side and all out of time
like a blind pantamimes fantasized
climb up his own ladder to the sunshine
nothing’s mine that has been given
and no one’s alive now that ain’t been risen
for 19 years I was trapped in a prison
feenin’ my escape by means of derision
but every man-made attempt failed just when
trapped in the jail of my own guilt, shame and iniquity
I was looking for freedom...how'd I find freedom?

He said believe.
He said believe
who are you telling me to believe?
He said, "I am the Christ."

He said, "I am the Christ."
So I believe.
Freedom.
mmm-hmmm,
mmm-hmmm,
mm-hmm, yeah-ahh-eey

Comments

Today I left a comment on a favorite blog of mine.

I was surprised when the comment I left resonated with several individuals and rankled several others.

One individual even went on to quote me and to blog about my comment.

Now that's never happened to me before.

I don't feel self-important, or validated in anyway and I don't place any special importance on the fact that several someones replied to my blog comment. I'm just surprised. Surprised that my comment amounted to diddly squat in the first place.

I sometimes forget that I am not alone in the world. I sometimes forget that there are others who thirst for justice and long for God's Kingdom to be made manifest in today's world. I sometimes forget that whenever the truth is either spoken or written, it is imbued with the power of God.

I forget a lot of things I suppose.....but at least I have not lost my capacity for surprise.

..and I am thankful for that because I needed to be surprised today. I needed to be reminded that I am more than nothing.

If God had a blog and you could leave him a comment, what would you write? What precious part of yourself have you forgotten? Do you need to remember your own belovedness? Do you need healing in some inner recess of your being? Do you thirst for justice and long to see God's Kingdom come?

I know I do.

What about you?

Religion

The Cost of Religion
Flannery O'Connor

What people don't realize is how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course, it is the cross.

Source: Flannery O’Connor’s Library: Resources of Being by Arthur Kinney

Eavesdropping

Here's something I overheard in a coffee shop recently.

"You know, I really hate it when people tell me that I should pray more, and how prayer is so powerful and how prayer really works...blah, blah, blah."

"You do?" the other queried.

"Yeah. Don't you get it? Prayer isn't all powerful. God is. C'mon, think about it. Prayer doesn't work. God does."

.....Wow.

I get it.

Do you?

Rattled

beaded rattle project

Lately, I have found myself lost to my own longing.
I long for new experiences.
I long to see new places and to meet new people...
...but mostly, I long to be a new me.

I long to be a new creation, to be born again.
I love the risen Lord.
I am His.
Why then, am I the same old Jerri?

*****
Do you see the face on my beaded rattle project?

Do you see the over-bright eyes?

Do you see the worry etched across the forehead?

Do you see the sleepless nights under the eyes?

Do you see the protestation in the open mouth?

If you do, then you've seen me.

That face, is my face on the inside.

I am well and truly, rattled.

Mandles

Mandles....

....just what the manly man in your life needs the most!

Kamut

My husband and I have committed to embark upon a new, whole food journey.

As a result, I have discovered a new breakfast cereal. It's called Kamut.

"Kamut is an ancient relative of modern durum wheat. Although the Kamut brand wheat is thousands of years old, it is a new addition to North American grain productions. Kamut, is two to three times the size of common wheat with 20–40% more protein, higher in lipids, amino acids, vitamins and minerals, and a "sweet" alternative for all products that now use common wheat. Nutritionally superior, it can be substituted for common wheat with great success. Kamut brand wheat has a rich, buttery flavor, and is easily digested

Kamut's origins are intriguing. Following WWII, a US airman claimed to have taken a handful of this grain from a stone box in a tomb near Dashare, Egypt. Thirty-six kernels of the grain were given to a friend who mailed them to his father, a Montana wheat farmer.

The farmer planted and harvested a small crop and displayed the grain as a novelty at the local fair. Believing the legend that the giant grain kernels were taken from an Egyptian tomb, the grain was dubbed "King Tut's Wheat." But soon the novelty wore off and this ancient grain was all but forgotten.

In 1977, one remaining jar of "King Tut's Wheat" was obtained by T. Mack Quinn, another Montana wheat farmer, who with his son Bob, an agricultural scientist and plant biochemist soon perceived the value of this unique grain. They spent the next decade propagating the humped-backed kernels originally selected from the small jar. Their research revealed that wheats of this type originated in the fertile crescent area which runs from Egypt to the Tigris-Euphrates valley.

In 1990, the USDA recognized the grain as a protected variety officially named 'QK-77'. The Quinns also registered Kamut as a trademark. Perhaps the most significant aspect of the introduction and cultivation of Kamut brand wheat is that it is an important new crop for sustainable agriculture. This grain's ability to produce high quality without artificial fertilizers and pesticides make it an excellent crop for organic farming."
(Information cut and pasted from this website HERE.)

I don't know about you, but I think this is simply fascinating!

Not only does this grain have an intriguing pedigree, but it is an organic grain, has excellent nutritional value and tastes fantastic!

Kamut!

This is one grain that lives up to its name.....it truly is the "soul of the earth"!

****
PS~I purchased my Kamut through Bob's Red Mill.

Grrrrr!

Oldest Daughter looks grrreat modeling her footed jammies.

Just in case you were wondering, she made them herself.

I found (and then copied) this photo on/from her myspace page.....

At a time when most young women are scantily clad and/or modeling much more provocative lingerie on their myspace pages, we consider ourselves exceedingly fortunate that our Oldest Daughter chooses to have a fairly modest presence on the internet.

I don't know about you, but I think Oldest Daughter is ready to take on the world.

Crash

Last night, at approximately 10:00 pm, the world came crashing down around the lives of one of the families in our neighborhood....literally.

Their home had been raised nearly eight feet in the air to allow for repairs and remodel work. They were told it was safe to stay in the home while the work was being done.

Apparently, it wasn't quite so safe.

The home split in two and crashed to the ground with the family inside.

We haven't heard yet whether there were any serious injuries; although we do know that the mother was removed from the home by emergency personnel.

We've known this family for five years. Our children went to pre-school together.

I pray that they are all safe and well this morning.

I pray that our neighborhood will pull together, that we will serve this family and minister to them as they rebuild their home.

I pray that God will shine through us in this dark and difficult time.

Amen.

Because...

....love never fades.

Turning

We must turn inward and destroy in ourselves all that we think we ought to destroy in others.
Source: "An Interrupted Life" by Etty Hillesum

Decapitation

This is what happens when a two month old kitten takes on a stuffed lemur!

D*E*C*A*P*I*T*A*T*I*O*N

Her latest play prey includes a stuffed beanie bat.

It's hilarious to watch her lug that stuffed bat around the house.

Kittens....

....they're just good for whatever ails ya!

Interdependence

I really liked this YouTube video.

Watch it and then tell me what you would write in your own personal Declaration of Interdependence.

Just one line.

What would you declare?

Struggle

All around me, my friends are struggling.

One friend's marriage is crumbling.

Another friend's sobriety is in jeopardy.

Still another faces financial insecurity.

I've answered late night calls and I've taken early morning walks. I've advised and I've listened. I've cried and I've prayed. I've suffered alongside their pain, their brokenness, and their loss.

That is all I know how to do.

I don't have the answers to their pain.

I cannot restore a marriage that has been shattered beyond repair.

I cannot remove a friend's desire to drink.

All I can do is be there when they call, listen when they speak and pray for God's providence in each of our lives.

I am humbled by the fact that these seem like such little, insignificant acts; and yet, these acts are precisely what each of us requires from the other if our lives and our relationships are to continue to unfold.

I am beginning to understand that it is in the face of our shared struggles that we find our solace, our hope and the strength to carry on.

There is immeasurable power in such knowledge, God's power.

...and to sense that I have touched upon that power has left me both wildly elated and crazily deflated.

I am, in this moment, the perfect union of two polar opposites.

Sporks

Jerri is a Spork!

Jerri has a playful, eccentric sense of humor. She is creative. She sees the world in bold colors. Jerri is a dabbler. She loves to experiment. She isn't an expert in anything, but she knows a little about everything.

What Utensil Are You?

Open Hands

Four years ago, I had one of my "Jesus dreams".

It was a particularly powerful and intense dream.

I've never written about this dream and for whatever reason, I feel as though I need to share this dream now, to write it down, and to celebrate the beauty of its meaning with whomever might happen by and read this blog post today.

Most of you probably remember Mel Gibson's movie, "The Passion of the Christ." Well, imagine me, sitting in my dream movie theater watching Mel's graphic and gory cinematic production.

There I am. Watching.

I see Christ's blood spurt under the onslaught of cat-o-nine-tails as I witness the beating inflicted by Roman soldiers. I hear Christ's groans and tortured breathing as he labors through Jerusalem's streets, struggling under the weight of the cross he was forced to carry.

...and I am so in the moment, so caught up in the Passion, that I am more than a little surprised when I suddenly find myself distracted by the loud, popcorn munching noises of another movie theater patron who is seated one row behind me and slightly to my right.

(C'mon now, just put yourselves in my place. On screen, Christ is being brutally tortured and all the while, some fool sits behind me, gleefully eating popcorn as if there's no tomorrow. Now, under the circumstances, wouldn't all of that loud crunching and munching strike you as, oh, I don't know, WRONG?)

So, in my dream, I turn around and in one of those really hushed, harsh whispers that only a Mom can ever truly master I say, "Dude! Enough with the popcorn already..."

And as I turn to chastise with my eyes, who should I see sitting there, cross legged in his chair, popcorn kernels in his beard happily eating his way through a buttered, jumbo-sized movie theater popcorn?

Yeah. You guessed right.

Jesus. It was Jesus.

I am, of course, more than a little stunned to see the Lord of Lords sitting there. I'm even more stunned when Jesus vaults over the row of seats to sit beside me.

"Popcorn?" Jesus offers as he settles in next to me.

I'm so agitated that I find myself at a loss for words , so Jesus simply smiles, points to the screen and says, "Great movie, huh?"

...again, I find myself completely incapable of speech, so Jesus says, "Listen Jerri, when they get to the part where they stretch me on the cross, pay close attention to my hands. Will you do that for me?"

I mutely nod my affirmation. To which, Jesus says, "Thanks." Then, poof! Just like that, Jesus is gone, popcorn and all.

I have spend the past several years pondering this dream, wondering why Jesus would ask me to pay such close attention to his open and crucified hands.

When I think about the way Christ lived his life I am struck by the fact that he held nothing back. He lived his life with open hands, reaching out in love to all people. I think that Christ met his death the same way...with open hands. He did not demand vindication, or proclaim his innocence. He moved through his Passion with open hands, and if he clung to anything, it was his love for the Father, the Father's love for him and their shared love for all of us.

I've often wondered, if this dream wasn't Christ's way of calling me to live my own life with open hands. I cling to so many things. I cling to my creature comforts (like the toilet and the air conditioner), to my material blessings (like the cash that allows me to buy my iced venti half-caf lattes), to the beliefs/judgements that I hold about who I am and who you are, who is worthy and who is not. Perhaps Christ is calling upon me surrender these things to him and to open my hands, my heart and my life to the perfect will and love of our Father?

It is so hard to move through life with open hands and outstretched arms. I leave my inner most self, my most vulnerable parts prone to evisceration when I do.

In short, I risk my own crucifixion. And yet, I am convinced that this is exactly what Christ has called me to do....

To say that this dream has touched me and has changed me in ways I cannot even begin to articulate is an understatement. I'm not even going to try.

I'm just going to end with a prayer.

Dear God, help me to live as Christ lived....with open hands.

Happy Birthday!

As many of you know, Middle Daughter recently celebrated her 13th birthday!

Here's a video clip of our new teen blowing out her birthday candles.

Enjoy!

F.Y.I.

Blogging.

It's good for ya.

Don't believe me?

Well, Scientific American Magazine says it's true.

Read all about it by clicking here!

Snapshots

Three snapshots of what I've either watched or read on the internet today.

To vote or not to vote?

Profane dining?

An inspirational Iron Nun!

.....just in case you were wondering what I do with all of my free time!

FIP

Our little kitty, Izzy, has been very sick.

Last week, Izzy spiked a temperature of 104 degrees, became lethargic and seemed quite ill.

We took her to the vet where Izzy was rehydrated and tested for several diseases, held over night and released the next day.

At that time, the tests ruled out feline AIDS ect and we believed that Izzy might just have a nonspecified viral infection. Unfortunately, Izzy still isn't doing to well.

Today I took Izzy back to the vet and learned she's lost weight since Saturday. The vet believes she may have the feline corona virus, which in turn, may or may not have mutated into FIP or feline infectious peritonitis.

More tests were done, more subcutaneous fluids were given, as were several cans of take home nutritional suppliments.

We left understanding that FIP is not treatable and that it is nearly always fatal.

If our kitten has FIP, that will mean RIP for little Izzy.

So now, we wait for the test results and we pray.

And all I can say, is that the whole situation really sucks. It really, really sucks.

McDonalds

Guess what?

Oldest Daughter has a job!

Yup, that's right!

She's going to be flipping burgers for McDonalds.

This Momma's lovin'it!

God's Passion

This video has been around for a while, but it's a good one.

If you have four and a half minutes to spare, it's worth watching.

For a long time now, I have known that there is a passion living and breathing through my heart and soul, that is not my own. A passion to see all people safe, educated, fed, healthy and clothed. A passion to end hunger, and homelessness, poverty and genocide. A passion to live in peace with my neighbors both near and far.

I feel this passion in my inner most places...and I know beyond knowing, that this is God's passion. God's passion living and breathing in my soul, through my lungs, through my nostrils.

It's God's passion that stirs my imagination, my hope, my actions....

Oh, just watch the video and let me know what you think after you do!

Did it stir anything within you?

Awe

One of my friends is going through a very difficult time right now.

Although I hate to see her in such a difficult situation, I am so privileged to watch her face her circumstances with such dignity and grace.

I am awed by this woman, simply awed.

Grace and dignity are not my strongest suits. I'm too self-absorbed, too fucked up to exhibit either grace or dignity when I am under duress. More often than not, I become a raving lunatic whenever I am confronted with even the smallest challenge.

I like to make things all about me, because well, everything is all about me. Ok, so maybe I'm not that bad...but truly, I really do have this awful habit of making things all about me, especially when they shouldn't be all about me.

Like this post for instance.

When I began writing I wanted to write about this amazing woman and her awe inspiring grace and dignity. I wanted to tell you how I believe that such grace and dignity inspire such awe because they are God breathed and thereby holy. I wanted to say, that yes, my friend is amazing, but it's God's grace in her that has released the awe in me. I wanted to tell you how I think her serene, old soul dignity is God's gift to her as she moves with such honesty and transparency through a difficult life transition.

I wanted to tell you about how small I feel in the face of my friend's grace and dignity and how appropriate I believe that feeling is, because in so many ways, I am so very small.

I wanted to tell you that there is greatness in our smallness....that God himself choose to enter into this world as a fragile newborn and that Christ's smallness contained mankind's greatest treasure.

But what did I do instead? I did what so many of us often do, and I shifted my focus and I began to make this all about me.

The truth of it is, life is all about God...His life in us....our life in Him.

Don't ask me how, but somewhere along the way I had forgotten that fact.

...and all I can think about now, is how very much I want and need Jesus Christ.

I have found salvation in that longing and just for today anyway, a certain kind of peace.


Oh and just thinking about this whole freedom/salvation thing has reminded me that today is the Fourth of July.

So Happy Fourth of July Everyone!

Poverty

Simply Stated...

In other words, the Bible isn’t there simply to be an accurate reference point for people who want to look things up and be sure they’ve got them right.

It is there to equip God’s people to carry forward his purposes of new covenant and new creation.

It is there to enable people to work for justice, to sustain their spirituality as they do so, to create and enhance relationships at every level, and to produce that new creation which will have about it something of the beauty of God himself.

The Bible isn’t like an accurate description of how a car is made. It’s more like the mechanic who helps you fix it, the garage attendant who refuels it, and the guide who tells you how to get where you’re going. And where you’re going is to make God’s new creation happen in his world, not simply to find your own way unscathed through the old creation…

The Bible is there to enable God’s people to be equipped to do God’s work in God’s world, not to give them an excuse to sit back smugly, knowing they possess all God’s truth.

~ NT Wright, "Simply Christian"

Taglines

A friend of mine sent me an e-mail yesterday.

This was her tagline:
I'm going to live my life in such a way that when my feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says 'Oh shit....she's awake'.

I LOVE that!

Don't you?

Daisy

This political commercial only ran once during the 1964 presidential election. Those of you old enough to remember, probably remember this ad as "Daisy", or the "Little Peace Girl".

I was surprised by the simplicity and the poignancy of this campaign ad. It borders on brilliant, if the truth be told.

In fact, "Daisy" kinda makes all of our modern day political ads pale in comparison....which just goes to show how far we've fallen.

If you'd like to learn more about political campaign ads, click HERE, and HERE. There's a lot of interesting history/information at both websites.

Benevolence

I recently received a letter from our church regarding the benevolent fund.

Apparently, church leadership has determined that they can no longer continue to meet the crisis need that exists in the very neighborhood where the church itself resides. "Need is up.", says the letter. "Our staff can't handle the numbers requesting aid." And finally, the coup de grace, "We don't see enough people coming to Christ to merit our continued financial investment."

The church's solution is for staff to refer requests for aid to existing social service agencies. Concomitantly, the church will increase the amount of money it contributes to those social service partners....partners like the Salvation Army, for instance.

Needless to say, I was very disappointed by the letter I received. So, I wrote a response for church leadership. I sat on that e-mail for 48 hours and then I mailed said response to our Governing Board, Head Pastor and the two church staffers responsible for writing the "Benevolent Fund" letter. I also sent the e-mail to two other key individuals. One is a neighbor, church member, and strong advocate for living Christ's love out loud; and the other, is a close friend, upon whom I often rely to help me clarify my own thoughts and positions.

I doubt that I will hear back from leadership....at least not directly. Somehow, the e-mail is making the rounds though. I had proof of that in a brief exchange at our neighborhood Safeway, where I ran into a fellow church-goer who made a snarky comment about my e-mail. It would seem based upon that brief encounter, that my status among the church going faithful has been elevated from "malcontent" to "malevolence incarnate".

...and now, I feel dirty, like I did something wrong; which is absolutely ridiculous because in truth, my only misstep, if any, might have been sharing the letter with the neighborhood advocate.

I guess that old saying about dishing out the shit is really true, because I put a little of my poo out there and a whole boat load is heading back my direction.

And you know what I'm going to do?

DUCK!

Slick

What if worship was like an NBA game.....c'mon, we've all been there, haven't we?

Yeah well, I thought this YouTube video was hilarious!

Watch it and see if you don't agree.

Izzy

Introducing Izzy D. Cat

Little Izzy D. Cat is seven weeks old. She was born in a chicken coop on a local farm.

We welcomed sweet Izzy to our family last Thursday.

She's as cute as a bug's ear and leaves a trail of laughter wherever she goes. I'm telling you, Izzy is non-stop entertainment.

We haven't watched t.v. since Izzy's arrival.

And why should we?

Izzy is our very own kitten reality television show....without the television of course!

Izzy

Is she cute, or what?

Blessing

b-day card and beaded gift from Annie

Yesterday, my friend Annie came to town for a birthday visit.

We had coffee and then we walked to the Saturday Market for a little bit of exercise, sunshine and fun.

It was a lovely morning.

I am so fortunate to have friends like Annie who drive miles and miles just to deliver a few hours birthday cheer.

I think this was one of my best birthdays ever!

Friends called, friends stopped by, and yet another friend treated me to a rare and much appreciated fine dining experience.

My family made cards, and posters and decorated the house with birthday banners. I received sweets and treats and love galore!

Like the little beaded angel below says, "I am blessed."

bead embroided angel~

Lessons

Today I celebrate 46 years of life.

Happy Birthday to me.

In honor of this auspicious day, I have decided to share some of the more important lessons I've learned over the years.

1) Things, by their very nature are designed to be used; people, on the other hand, are not. Love and honor all people.

2) All to often, I overvalue what I am not and I undervalue who I truly am. I am a beloved child of God, wholly forgiven, wholly loved. All of my anxiety, my ego, my self-righteousness...those are the pieces of my shadow self that I often empower at great expense to my true self. Learn from my mistake....embrace God's well spring of compassionate love and live a life of love.

3) Going to church every Sunday morning doesn't make someone a Christian, any more than my stepping into a garage makes me a mechanic.

4) Sometimes silence is the best answer.

5) A person never loses by loving, but they will always lose by holding back.

6) The way of truth is always preferable to the way of deceit and dishonesty. In the long run, truth will win out anyway. Don't waste time lieing to yourself, or to others.

7) Jamaican Ska is amazing. Just hearing those wonky rhythms causes my soul rise up and twirl about on tippy toes!

8) All of the best things in life, are not things at all.

Blah, blah, blah....

I think I will end there. I could go on, but what's the point? Most of you've either heard or discovered these things already.

So, instead of pretending I'm deeper and smarter than I really am, I'm going to go inside and have a piece of chocolate pie for breakfast. Before I go, I'll leave you with just one more lesson I've learned....

9) Costco's chocolate pie is sinfully delicious and it is perfectly acceptable as a breakfast food on one's 46th birthday.

Nudibranchs

Photograph by David Doubilet

These are toxic nudibranchs. (Soft, seagoing slugs which are kith and kin of the common snail.)

Aren't they absolutely lovely?

Trunk Show

lampwork frog bead

I found the cutest strand of lampwork frog beads at a trunk show yesterday.

I also found the coolest iridescent beads pictured below. (I think they are shell?)

I just couldn't resist buying them.

froggie + beads=one damn fine bracelet

I'm planning on making a bracelet using Stephanie Sersich's knotted bracelet technique.

I already have a name for my bracelet too.

It's going to be called, "Frog Kissing".

Get it?

Frogs? Kissing? Prince Charming? Beads? Bracelet?

I'm talking about one super-fine, groovy, frog kissing bracelet everybody!

Aren't you just green with envy?

Contention

Graduation~2008

Oldest Daughter has been trying my patience.

She doesn't want to get a summer job. She doesn't want to contribute by helping around the house.

Instead, Oldest Daughter wants to sleep late, and socialize, and spend her parents' hard earned money.

And me? Well, I have a problem with that.

As a result, Oldest Daughter and I are at odds. We aren't fighting exactly, but an uncertain kind of wariness has wedged itself between us.

...and this makes me feel so sad, because this should be our summer of celebration, not contention.

The only good thing that I can see coming out of all of this exasperation, is that if things keep going as they are, I shall be relieved to see Oldest Daughter leave for college this coming Fall.

Please pray for us if you are the praying sort.

Without some sort of divine intervention, goodness only knows how we shall make through this summer.

F.Y.I.

Did you know that Americans put almost as much fossil fuel into their refrigerators as they put into their cars?

The average American consumes 400 gallons of oil a year. 17% of that 400 gallons per person per year, is spent upon agriculture.

More than one quarter of all farming energy goes into synthetic fertilizers. Guess what's the main ingredient in all of that synthetic fertilizer? Yup, you guessed it. Oil.

But getting the crop from seed to harvest takes only one fifth of the total oil used for our food production. The rest is consumed by getting the food from the fields to our tables. Food transportation costs combined with processing, packaging, warehousing and refrigeration costs consume millions upon millions of barrels of oil each week.

If every US citizen ate just one meal per week comprised of locally and organically grown meat and produce we could reduce our country's oil consumption by 1.1 million barrels of oil every week.

Small changes can make a big difference.

(I found this and other great information in Barbara Kingsolver's book, "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle." This book is amazing. I highly recommend it anyone interested in food or healthier eating!)

Graduation

Class of 2008

Oldest Daughter has officially completed 12 years of primary school education.

We are so very, very proud!

Class of 2008 Valedictorians

Tragedy

From The Tennessean:

One of contemporary Christian music star Steven Curtis Chapman’s six children was killed this afternoon when she was struck by a car said to be driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s Williamson County home.

The child, Maria, age 5, was taken by LifeFlight to Vanderbilt Hospital, which confirmed the death, according to Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.
She was hit by an SUV driven by her teenage brother, she said. Police did not give the driver’s name.

The teen was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway of the rural home at about 5:30 p.m. and several children were playing in the area, McPherson said. He did not see the 5-year-old in the driveway before the vehicle struck her, she said.

A reminder:
Tragedy may strike anyone, at any time.
Please pray for the Chapman family.

Conflicted

I have no delusions regarding my own issues with codependency.

I often struggle with my desire to be all things, for all people. I want to be liked. I hate saying "no".

I rarely feel that I am good enough.

I am embarrassed to receive praise or gifts.

I feel guilty whenever I assert myself or choose my own needs/desires over the needs/desires of others.

....so, there you have it.

My very own list of classic codependency traits/characteristics.

Ugh!

Most time, I am aware of these patterns of behavior and I'm able nip the more destructive consequences of my codependency in the bud.

Recently however, I have found myself horribly conflicted.

Quite some time ago, I commited to helping with a yearly fundraising event for a local nonprofit. I helped with the event mailing, and I was scheduled to assist with seating at the actual event this coming Thursday.

Today, we learned that my husband will need to make an all expense paid business trip to Seattle; and what's more, for very little additional expense, I and our two youngest children, would be able to accompany him!

The only hitch in this plan is that I am scheduled to meet, greet, and seat folks at the nonprofit event the same evening we would be out of town.

Holy Crap! Talk about conflicted. Do I go? Do I stay? Every codependent trait I possess has flaired up and clouded my ability to make a rational decision.....which ironically, is a difficulty that in and of itself, characterizes codependency!

Soooo, I called the nonprofit event co-ordinator and asked if it would be possible to be excused from this commitment without placing them in a bind. I explained the situation and stated that my first priority was to honor my commitment to the event, but if it were possible to be released, I would very much like to travel with my husband and children to spend several days in Seattle.

The event coordinator was very gracious. She felt that it would be terrible for our family to miss this opportunity, and insisted that even though they were short staffed for volunteers, I should go.

I want to go. I mean I really want to go, but I am so damn conflicted. I have a previous commitment and I should honor that commitment, right? How could I possibly flake out at the last minute? After all, people are counting on me. I'm even acknowledged in the program bulletin as a kind hearted volunteer for Pete's sake. What's wrong with me? How could I even think to go to Seattle and leave this worthy nonprofit organization high and dry?

And this is where I just get so confused and upset and beat myself all to shit because I want to go to Seattle, but I don't want to disappoint the people who are counting on me. And now, I am trying to decide whether I should go, or whether I should just stay and honor my 45 minutes of seating and greeting.

In all honesty, I'm having difficulties untangling my own self-interest, from my issues with codependency, from doing the right thing.

I'm a mess. A tangled up, whimpering mess.

Ask me how to budget $840,000 for our city's social services and I could answer you with three very short, articulate and comprehensible sentences.

Ask me whether I should go to Seattle this coming Thursday and I guarantee you that I'd burst into a blubbering, incomprehensible mess of a woman.

The whole situation is just ridiculous.

I have no clue what I'm going to do.

ARGH!

H*E*L*P

Jen Lemen is one of my blogging heroes.

This weekend, Jen has preview copies of her new zine for sale on etsy. Click HERE to read all about Jen's new zine.

I was touched by Odette's amazing and hope-filled story. If you think you might like to buy a copy of your own, well then, you had better hurry. There are only 18 copies left.

I bought two. One for my own family and one to give away.

What are you waiting for?

Click HERE, open your pocket book, and join the other 332 of us as we help to make the world a better place!

Ouch!

I watched this YouTube video and knew right away that it was a great metaphor for my entire life....

Ok, maybe not my entire life; but dang it all, every time I think I'm getting ahead, this sort of thing happens to me.

Oh just watch the video and then you'll see what I mean!

Prom Queen

I wish I had more Senior prom pictures, but I don't.

A friend recently sent me this picture of her daughter and mine, taken the evening of Senior Prom.

Oldest daughter is the girl in blue!

For those of you requesting prom pictures, this is the best that I can do!

Enjoy!

Etnies

My Etnies are shot.

This pair was given to me by a teen down the street and they've served me well.

I've put many a mile on these shoes.

I've learned some interesting things in these shoes. For instance, I've learned that women over 40 generally do not wear Etnies. I've also learned that women over 40 ought not mix a pink lace with a black lace unless they are willing to risk a fair amount of condemnation from the Fashionistas.

Folks in my church frowned on my shoes. The younger generation thought I was too old to be wearing them and my generation assumed I was trying too hard to be hip.

...but sometimes, a pair of shoes is just a pair of shoes; or in my case, a pair of hand me down Etnies with mismatched laces.

The young girl who gave me these shoes did so out of her genuine concern for my lack of decent footwear. At the time, I was wearing a pair of ratty old sneakers that I'd already patched together several times with two part epoxy.

I thought it was incredibly sweet of her to gift me with a pair of her own shoes.

And I must say, that these shoes are special to me, not because they are Etnies (apparently a desirable and expensive board shoe brand), not because they make some kind of (fashion or hip-o-meter) statement, but because they were so sweetly given and quite comfortable to boot.

I feel as though my Etnies have borne me upon the soles of grace, generosity and great affection.

...and that is why I shall miss them so deeply.

Even if I buy a new pair of Etnies, they won't have the soulful soles of my old pair.

And that my friends, is the story of my black and pink lace Etnies.

May they rest in peace.

Naturally Nested

"Naturally Nested Chicken Eggs"


Up close and personal!

My family doesn't eat many eggs.

Generally speaking, one dozen eggs is sufficient to meet our weekly egg needs.

I suppose that's why I was more than a little surprised when I went to scramble two eggs for myself and I only found four little cackleberries nestled in an egg carton that I had just purchased the day before. I couldn't help but wonder where the other eight eggs had gone. It all just seemed so odd.

A few days later, I went out to the garden to pull an onion for dinner and what do you suppose I found?

Yup, you guessed it! I found my eight missing eggs evenly divided into four little nests!

I'm not sure which of my progeny decided to "naturally nest" our chicken eggs, but I do know this.

Those eggs smell to high heaven!

Testify

This evening I had the opportunity to speak to our City Council regarding funding for our city's Social Service Programs. Each person testifying tonite was allotted three minutes to speak. It will probably take you much longer to read.

Here's my testimony:

I'm here this evening because I would like to give you all a picture, a snapshot if you will, of the ways in which my very average, very ordinary life has intersected with some of the crisis need that exists in our community.

My oldest daughter will be graduating this Spring from Blah Blah High School; but a few years ago, when she was still in middle school, her father and I learned that one of her classmates, had begun prostituting herself and that she had done so, because having one parent in prison and having been abandoned by her remaining parent, this fourteen year old girl believed she had no other means of securing food and shelter. It's now four years later, and I still can't quite get my mind around the fact that a fourteen year old child was selling her body on our city streets because she, through no fault of her own, had found herself bereft of food and shelter.

Bereft.

People don't use that word any more, but I've deliberately chosen it for tonite because bereft means grievously denied.

And if that story isn't shocking enough, I can tell you since that time, I've met other young people who've experienced similar difficulties and who've also been grievously denied the necessities of life.

If I had more time, I would tell you about the 10 year old boy who was visiting us in our home and confided that his family didn't always have enough food eat. Or I would tell you about the single mother of two elementary school age children, who was terminally ill and had her utilities shut off in mid-February because of her inablity to pay her power bill.

Or maybe I would tell you about the homeless single father and his teen son whom we welcomed into our own home because at the time when they needed shelter most, the family shelters in our city were already full.

I realize that the General Fund dollars available for funding social services are dwindling, but please, you must understand that crises need in our community is rising. Now, of all times, is not the time to cut $50,000 from the social services budget.

I'm sure you've all heard that saying that says, "a community is only as strong as its weakest link"? Well there's a second part to that saying which we don't often hear that says, "the weakest link is also the strongest link, precisely because it is the one link with the greatest potential to break the chain."

I believe underfunding social serivces at this critical time, will weaken the social services link in our city's chain. And if that link breaks it will do so at enormous human cost and significant financial cost to our city as well.

Thank you for letting me testify this evening.

Necessary Desires

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

~I've emboldened the lines that speak some of the essential truths my soul often needs to hear.
If you could whisper to your own soul, what truths would you speak?

Happiness

Happiness is...

An early morning coffee date with a good friend.

A new pair of heart earrings lovingly crafted by the flame goddess herself, Michele Goldstein.

Listening to the new Weepies cd.

....and, last but not least, happiness is buying organic mushrooms on the very first day of the new Farmer's Market season!

I am blessed.

Loss

The death of child is too much for this mother's heart to comprehend.

Yesterday a 10 year old boy, a child well known and loved by my youngest son and youngest daughter, died from a brain tumor.

My children are grieving.

They ask me:

"Did Dae Hon suffer when he died?"

"Is his family ok?"

"Why did Dae Hon have to die?"

"Do you think Dae Hon is happy in heaven without his family?"

"Mom, why do I feel so guilty?"

I don't think it matters how old you are, or how many loved ones you've lost, or how much you've been able to prepare yourself, when death comes there are no answers, or explanations that can assauge the aching loss that beats in rhythm with a mourner's heart.

I don't have much more to say, except that we are sad today and that we are praying for Dae Hon's family.

This such an incredible loss for us all.

Life

Jesus said:

You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.
John 5:39-40

I know people who read their Bibles with a rabid ferocity. They are so insistent that the Bible is the only way to know God and that it is the only true blueprint for living that they come off a little, oh I don't know, INSANE?

Seriously, there are times when I half expect that I might actually see one of those individuals walking about town all wild-eyed, with flecks of foam and partially masticated paper bible passages stuck to their lips. It's as if they are compelled to chew up biblical passages. They tear holy words apart and dissect sacred meanings.

I suspect that theirs is a hunger fueled by their own need for control, rather than a genuine hunger for God.

Me? I don't feel particularly driven to read the Bible; so much so, that I can go days without reading Scripture. In fact, I could probably go weeks and months without purposefully reading my Bible.

For this, I've been harshly criticized by my brothers and sisters in Christ. One alarmed Christian acquaintance even went so far as to suggest that I could not possibly call myself a true Christian if I did not faithfully read the Holy Bible.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that the Holy Bible is resplendent with the message of God's love for us. I think where I differ from many in Christendom, is that I choose to hold that message tenderly. I choose active conversation with God over memorizing the written word. I choose to live out the words of Christ rather than debating them.

I can understand why some folks passionately love their Bibles; but it seems to me, that Jesus himself enjoins us to remember that loving our Bibles is not the way. Christ is the way, the truth and the light. It is our relationship with Him, and the way we live out of that relationship in the world around us that brings glory to God and ourselves into eternal life.

But hey, what do I know?

I am at such a crossroads in my spiritual and my personal life. I am questioning so many things and I feel so small, so insignificant, so unimportant. There are so many walls in this world. Walls in my relationship with the church, walls in my relationships with friends, walls that thwart my attempts to effect change and social justice in my community. I feel as though I am constantly running into walls.

Being excluded from church social events because I suggest the theory of evolution is not contradictory to believing the Bible. WHAM! That's a wall.

Being excluded from testifying at a city council meeting because I represent a high needs demographic in our community that no one wants to deal with, or pay for, or acknowledge. BAM! That's a wall.

....and sometimes I just want to scream at God and tell him to take down the damn walls. He's all-powerful. Cut me some slack already and at least show me the door so I can quit ramming my head into all these damn walls.

Then I remember, oh yeah, I already have my door. Jesus. And you know what? Back in His day, Jesus encountered quite a few walls himself. Big walls. And look where that got him...strung up on a cross and crucified.

Don't mind me. Right now, life is kicking me in the ass and I'm loopy from the transient brain damage I've suffered from all my wall ramming.

and I just feel so discouraged,

.....and so very, very small.

Becoming Hope

RWK writes:

"All of creation groans as it awaits redemption and I believe - to the soles of my feet believe - that this redemption will come. I have hope, true hope, that there is a welcoming light and love beyond this life and in that hope - and for that hope - I live, seeking to drape it like a comforting shawl over the shoulders of others, seeking to draw others into that light. This is no small part of what it means, I believe, to be born again: that in all of our weakness and failings, in all of our brokenness and pain we become the carriers of hope, the birthing mothers of hope, the womb of redemption, the nursery of restoration. We become hope."

Holy crap.

This is beautiful.

F.Y.I.

Did you know that 44% of homeless Americans are employed?

Blossoms, Snow and Prom Queens

flowering cherry blossom

Saturday it hailed like crazy. Black storm clouds darkened the mid-day sky and pea sized hail rained down from the heavens. In between the hail storms, brief snatches of bright light and blue sky would drift overhead. I took advantage of one such moment to snap the above photo. I think it's lovely, don't you?

This morning we awoke to our children's delighted shrieks of, "It's snowing! It's snowing!"

Below is a photo of our mid-April snow. It was lovely too!

Senior Prom was held last night.

Oldest daughter attended and was elected Prom Queen.

Can you believe that?

No?

Well, here's a photo of oldest son clowning around in the Senior Prom Queen's royal sash and tiara!

Isn't HE lovely?



....can you believe oldest son let me snap this picture?

I'm still in shock!