Confession

Somebody once said that confession is good for the soul.

I hope that they were right, because I'm about to publically confess something that has been weighing upon me all day.

This morning, I said something that I deeply regret.

I made fun of the way several women pray in my Mom's In Touch prayer group. Now some of you know, that I'm a lousy out loud pray-er. I'm such a lousy out loud pray-er that I've actually been asked to refrain from praying in certain group situations.

Given that this is one area of my spiritual life where I have in fact been wounded by the callous comments and actions of others I am greatly confused by this new propensity to turn and to marginalize the prayers of others.

I feel as though I've just stomped upon something that is sacred and I am certain that I grieved God when He heard me carelessly spout off the way that I did in order to gain a laugh or two from my companions.

Deep down inside, I feel my soul ache. I hurt. In fact, I think that I hurt more now, than when other people laughed at my own clumsy prayers.

This has been a good lesson for me; albeit a difficult one.

What have I learned?

I've learned the I truly must guard and restrain my own tongue. I've learned that I am not exempt from doing the very things I pray that I will not do(and that others will not do). I've learned that my desire to please others is still relatively unfettered within me.

I've also learned that humility is not something that I can attain through seeking to be humble; but rather, it is a quality of being that I must live my way into as I learn the true value of forgiveness.

And today, I feel truly humbled. I feel humbled because I know that our God still receives me in spite of my own shallowness, and in spite of the hurt that I've caused both Him and His Kingdom.

You may wonder if I feel better now that I have confessed this to all of you.

My answer is both yes and no.

For you see, although my soul still aches, my shame is gone. And tomorrow, my soul will ache a little less. Eventually, the hurt will fade completely; but I hope that I never forget the lessons I have learned today.

God willing we can all learn from this, and then if necessary, gently remind one another should any one of us forget!

Letters to God

Have you ever written a letter to God?

(I have.)

Have you ever mailed your letter to God?

(I did.)

That sounds a little silly now doesn't it?

I'm not entirely certain what happened to my letter; but I like to believe that my letter made its way to Israel, where it was then sorted and placed into a special pile destined for delivery to Jerusalem's Western Wall.

I have good reason to think this might be so. You see, if a letter addressed to the Almighty reaches Israel, it is sorted and then a rabbi will deliver and place each letter into one of the many cracks that line the wall. At least, this is what I read some years ago in a news article similar to this one

I wonder what it must feel like to be the rabbi charged with the responsibility of placing humanity's written prayers into the Wailing Wall?

I wonder if the rabbi feels a sacred connection with God, and with the writers of all those letters every time he touches one of their envelopes?

I think I would.

I once believed that being the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol person would be my ultimate dream job. Just think about it! Wouldn't it be wonderful to be the person in charge of giving all that money away to all of those surprised people?

I still think that being on the prize patrol would be a rather cool job; but truth be told, these days I'd much rather be the rabbi delivering God's mail to the Western Wall.

IQ's up the wazoo!

Recently, my friend Laura forwarded an IQ test link to me.

On a whim I gave the test a whirl and I was somewhat surprised by my performance. I was so surprised in fact, that I decided to take another IQ test of a different variety. I performed very similarly on both tests.

Here's what the second test (the Tickle IQ test) had to say:

"Your IQ is ***.

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist.

This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind."

So I guess the jury is in. I am an insightful linguist.

This undoubtedly explains the millions of dollars that I've made through the sale of my art; and it most certainly explains the millions of unique visitor hits that this blog receives on a daily basis!

Doesn't this all seem just a little bit pathetic to any of you?

I mean, sometimes I just have to wonder at my own inner neediness...

Don't you see how it's my own inner neediness which compels me to try and outperform on not one, but two lame assed online IQ tests?

And, it's this same inner neediness that compels me to insert html code into my blogger template for a hit counter, just so I know that more than two people on the planet give a damn about what I'm writing day to day.

Like any of it really even matters anyway....

Oh, don't mind me. I'm on a rant of sorts.

Check back tomorrow.

Maybe then I'll have something insightful and linguistically thrilling to say!

Rest in Peace

小老鼠

Our little white rat is dead.

Her name was Lau Shu.

We buried her today and I am sad.

I suppose it is hard for some of you to understand why I would be sad. After all, she was just a rat, right?

Wrong.

She was a living being. Something I cared for, and talked to, and held.

I cannot discount Lau Shu's life, even though her's was such a small life by most people's standards. The world may not be a lesser place for this one rat's dieing; but my world somehow is.

Perhaps this speaks to the utter mediocrity of my own life.

I don't know...

I only know that now when I make rat salad for our one surviving rat, I miss Lau Shu.

Rest in peace, Lau Shu.

Please pray

I have a friend for whom I am supremely worried.

Two years ago, her oldest daughter died. She was only 22 years old and it was a tragic death.

Now my friend is exhibiting erratic behaviors which suggest that either drugs or alcohol are being misused.

Today I will be spending some time with my friend and I intend to ask her if she is using. There is no delicate way for me to ask the questions I must ask. There is no way to soften the words I must say.

Oh, I suppose that I could just shut my yap and say nothing; but I refuse to pretend that I do not see the recent changes that I have seen in her. I love her too much.

Difficult conversations such as these require holy guidance and more often than not, holy intervention.

If you believe in the power of prayer, would you pray for us today?

Even if you do not believe in prayer, would you pray for us today?

I don't care what form your prayer takes. A quick breath prayer, a long epic prayer...a gentle look cast heavenward, just do it, please?

I am afraid and I need your care.

I need your prayer.

Please pray.

If only...

Is it possible to turn off love like a light switch?

My sixteen year old asked that question of me recently.

My response was, "Well, what do you think?"

She was confused. She wasn't sure. A good friend of hers has an older gay brother. Their family is a religious family and they have disassociated themselves from their gay family member. (Shunning would be the word I would use, but hey, pretty it up if you must.)

So I said to her, "There is nothing, absolutely nothing that could make me stop loving you."

I think this is what she needed to hear and I think it made sense to her only because this is what she has thus far experienced in our relationship. The words you see, are empty if they are not lived.

I am convinced that when we love, love compels us to overlook the little slights and the bigger hurts. Love compels us to forgive and to offer compassion in the place of condemnation.

When I think of what that family is doing to one another for the sake of their religiosity, my heart breaks for them. My daughter's young heart cannot comprehend the "why" and neither can I really; but we both see that rejecting love comes at a great cost. We see it in the pain that this family is experiencing.

I think that it's a kind of blasphemy when we say no to love. Perhaps it is the only true blasphemy...

Either way, I pray for the courage to love. I pray for the courage to love in the face of sorrow, and disappointment. I pray for the courage to love in those unavoidable moments of betrayal. I pray for the courage to love without expectations or conditions. I pray for the courage to love those who are different from myself.

If only our love would fall like the misty, Oregon rain outside my window. Then perhaps we could flood the rivers of injustice and sorrow with the living waters of mercy and grace.

Oh, if only....

Thursday's Thirteen Vacation Memories.

Thirteen unforgettable things that I saw on my journey. 1) Bald eagles! I kid you not! I saw them just outside of St. Regis, Montana! I saw them up close and personal too...gorgeous creatures! 2) I saw soul dazzling sunsets that cast shades of purple, pink and gold across the mountains and skyline. 3) I saw moose grazing in a slow bend of river not far from the Cataldo Mission. 4) I saw Tibetan mastiffs. In fact, I lived with three Tibetan Mastiffs for just under three days, and I learned that these dogs truly are gentle giants. (One of the mastiffs looked just like a lion!) 5) I also saw cactus. Did you know that prickly pear cactus grows in Montana? If I had ever known this, I had forgotten; but I was quickly reminded during a hike up a hill behind my Dad's place. 6) Oh, and the baby grasshoppers! I saw baby grasshoppers! By late summer, grasshoppers in Montana tend to be around three inches long. Adults are undoubtedly on the larger side, but when they are babies they are teeny tiny hippity hoppity little things. I learned that they are very hard to catch when they are so little, but apparently catching them is worth the effort if you are either a five year old girl or an eight year old boy! 7) Men in Montana still like their moustaches. I saw lots of moustaches, which leads me to believe that male facial hair is still very much in vogue in the Big Sky State. (We aren't talking little wimpy moustaches either...nooooo, we are talking the big ole handle bar variety!) 8) One thing I did not see in Helena was a used book store. My uncle assured me that people in Helena don't read books anymore; after all, why bother with books when there is satellite television and the internet? (His thoughts, not mine!) 9) I saw casinos. Not the grand casinos one finds in Vegas mind you, but rather I saw tons of small, hole in the wall, smoke filled barrooms jam packed with video poker machines, keno and the like. Kind of sad really, some of those bars/casinos once had wonderful dance floors where I'd formerly shaken my booty till the cows came home. Those floors are all gone now, or rather, they are now all hidden underneath an assortment of legalized gambling devices. 10) I saw huge white washed letters on a hill in every town we entered. Missoula had a huge "M", Lolo sported an "L", Helena had an "H" ect. My children thought this was especially charming and would like to create a similar landmark for our city.... 11) I saw lots of cigarette smoking. Every where I went, young and old alike were puffing away on those damn cancer sticks. 12) I saw my grandfather, my father, my brother, my brother's son and my two sons....four generations of strong, loving men, and/or young boys, aka men in training. 13) I saw Taco Treat, which is a pseudo mexican eatery that serves a culinary delight from childhood, The Taco Treat Cheese Crisp! 14) Last but not least, I saw the genuine happiness of my father and his grandchildren as they renewed their bonds of love.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday's Thirteen indispensable Travel Items

My family and I will be traveling for the next week or so.

I do not know if I will have the opportunity to update my blog over the coming days...

Never fear however! I will have a multitude of stories to share upon our return!

So don't forget me while I am gone!

Farewell for now....

Thirteen Things I plan to pack for my trip to Montana. 1…. Reading material: Jesus Creed by Scot McKnight; Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller; Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza 2.... The dog kennel for Lily D. Dog. 3.... Tweezers for the infernal hair that grows everywhere but my scalp. 4.... Magnetic chess and magnetic checker games to while away the hours. 5.... Treat bags filled with skittles, Swedish fish, whoopers, crackers, teddy grahams ect. These are to be occasionally doled out to calm the savage hearts of our wild traveling companions (aka, our children) 6.... Butt wipes! Yes, over the years, we've learned that baby wipes have a multitude of good uses that far exceed their intended purpose.Therefore, a nice little box continues to travel with us, even though are babies are no longer babies! 7.... My journal and a pen 8.... Gum, our secret weapon in combating the halitosis that will undoubtedly erupt after 14 hours of car travel, limited brushing, and God only knows how many treat bags are consumed. 9.... H2O. As parents, we desire to keep ourselves and our children hydrated. I think the boys will drink, just so they can explore every rest stop between here and Helena, Montana! 10.... Movies. If the van we are renting has a DVD player I plan to rent a few movies. The challenge here is to find good wholesome family fare that will entertain both the 16 year old and the 5 year old. Impossible I know, but I will try....."Honey Are We There Yet?" will not be included. 11.... Pillows! I cannot sleep without my ancient, flat, bacteria infested pillow from home. 12.... Ben Lee, WOW 2006, Tracy Chapman and few other recording artists will be our traveling companions. We plan to rock out to an eclectic mix of vocal stylings with an aim to please everyone in our multi-generational traveling party. 13....Art supplies. I want to sketch the marvels I will see. Montana in the spring time is beyond beautiful.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants PS~Go read Rick's latest post about evangelism and Jesus over at his blog, A New Life Emerging!Awesome stuff!

Drawing comfort

Lately I have been suffering from the effects of a nameless kind of anxiety.

Thus, I've spent the better part of this day praying and carrying my bible around with me. I haven't actually read much in my bible, mind you; but I am finding that there's something about its very weight which is comforting to me. So, my bible follows me from room to room, largely unopened, and mostly unread.

Just a few moments ago, I began to wonder if this was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't draw such comfort from merely holding the word of God in my hands? Maybe a "good Christian" should draw their comfort from actually reading the word of God and then holding it gently in their heart?

Suddenly, I began to feel guilty. I began to feel inadequate and I began to wonder how it could be that I am even be worthy enough to hold a Bible in my hands.

If I draw comfort from the mere act of holding my bible, is that so wrong? Before everyone starts pointing their holier than thou fingers, consider this question. Could I draw any comfort at all, if I had not already found the truth of my own belovedness written in the pages God's love story to all humanity?

I don't think so.

As I sit here I am typing with my Bible cradled gently on my lap; and I am convinced that I am holding a mystery and a power that can in fact comfort an anxious soul such as my own with it's mere presence.

Would actually reading the Bible be of an even greater benefit? Perhaps so, but for now I am content to feel the reality of God's word by simply experiencing its heft and its weight in this book that I carry and hold.

I can always read later. For now, it pleases me and it comforts me to hold and to cherish this book....God's love letter, written for me (and you and all of humankind).

Maybe we've forgotten the simple pleasure and comfort that comes from holding a mere letter. We've gotten so lost in the computer age and the immediacy of e-mail, voice mail ect. that we've forgotten what it even feels like to actually hold a piece of written correspondence.

Or perhaps I am just trying to rationalize and explain away my own shortcomings.

Either way, I'm here, my bible is near and I am comforted.

Call me lazy or call me crazy. Those labels don't really matter anymore. I've already discovered my true identity. And if merely holding my bible helps me experience the presence of the living God, and simultaneously serves to remind me that I am His, so be it!

So be it!

Need a good curse?

"May you beget difficult teenagers, thou wayward winebibber!"
~curse courtesy of the Biblical Curse Generator!

Oh my!

I happened across this Biblical Curse Generator today.

It's a tad irreverent, but not too irreverent AND it's funny!

Soooo, if you find yourself "unable to deliver that killer insult", put an end to unscriptural restraint with the amazing Biblical Curse Generator!

This generator is pre-loaded with blistering smackdowns as delivered by Elijah, Jeremiah and other monumentally angry saints. Simply click the button below, and smite your foes with a custom-made curse straight out of the Old Testament!

Biblical Curse Generator!

Grace

Today I walked downtown to meet a friend for coffee.

Along the way I saw business men and women, transients, and prostitutes. I saw loitering drop outs and I saw law making politicians.

Want to know something funny?

The transients, prostitutes and drop outs were the ones more inclined to return my greetings and my smiles.

Here's a case in point.

I was early for my meeting and when I arrived at the coffee shop there was an older gentleman sitting on a bench in front of the Blue Pepper. He looked a little raggedy, but his face was bright and when I walked by he smiled and said, "Young lady, God's shining in the sun and whispering in the breeze today!"

"Really?" I replied, "How about I get us both a cup of coffee and you tell me all about it?"

"Why I'd like that." he answered.

We didn't visit for long, but by the time we had finished our coffee, I knew that God really was shining in the sun because I had felt His sacred presence warming our faces. I knew too that God really was whispering in the breeze. I knew because I don't ordinarily make a habit of buying coffee for strange men I've never met and I'm fairly certain that I would only have done so in response to some sacred whisper from the Almighty.

Oh, scoff if you will, but something really wonderful happened during our brief encounter. You see, I learned that God really does meet us in surprising places. What's more, God often speaks to us through the most surprising people.

How do I know?

I know because this morning God met me in front of the Blue Pepper and He spoke to me through an elderly homeless man.

..........such a chance encounter, in such an unlikely place, with such an unlikely soul. (BTW, that "unlikely soul" would be me.)

If God really was whispering in the wind this morning, I'm just glad that I was somehow able to hear Him.

Otherwise I might have missed this simple, inexplicable moment of grace altogether; and that my friends, would have been a profound shame.

Mothers

Dorothea Lange

Migrant Mother

Nipomo, California

1936

This, for me, is the real picture of motherhood.

What do you see when you look at this photograph?

I see determination.

I see the inward gaze of a woman contemplating her future.

I see a child resting peacefully in a mother's arms.

I see fatigue etched in the slumped shoulders of the older children.

I see the dirt of life that clings to each child.

I see a woman.

I see a mother.

I see myself.

What do you see?

Tuesday's child.

Do you know what it is to ache with tenderness for a child?

I do.

Every Tuesday our newspaper publishes a little blip, including a photo, about the weekly "child in need".

What exactly is a "child in need"?

These are children in need of adopting families. Sometimes a single child, sometimes a sibling pair/group, but they are always children who have been damaged by their previous living situations. Sometimes this damage is perpetrated in utero, other times it occurs in their birth families.

Every Tuesday, I cut these children out of the newspaper and I put them on my refrigerator. Every day, every time I open my refrigerator, I am reminded of these innocent ones and I pray for them.

Do you remember that old Mother Goose rhyme?

MONDAY'S CHILD IS FAIR OF FACE
by Mother Goose

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go.
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child born on the Sabbath Day,
Is fair and wise and good and gay.

I'm a Wednesday's child. Do you know what that means?

No, I'm not a walking "woe" machine. I don't go about life trying to create misery and suffering. What this means is that I am sensitive to the injustice of the world. If anything, I have this inane tendency to try and take the misery of the world and to pull it into myself.

I think this is why I ache with tenderness for every Tuesday's child.

I think this is why I cut out their pictures.

I think this is why I place each picture in prominence above the photos and pictures of my own children.

I think this is why I pray so fervently for my wall of Tuesday's children.

I can't take them all into my home; but I can take each one into my heart and into my soul.

And I do. After all, what else can a Wednesday's child do?

********************

Want to know what day you were born?
Click here!

Thursday's Thirteen Things That Should Piss You Off!

I'm keeping this meme simple today...

The sad thing is, so many of the solutions to the list below are surprisingly simple as well.

How many people would go hungry, homeless, or suffer the agonies of torture and violent death, ect, if we truly loved our neighbors as ourselves?

It all just goes to show, that simple solutions are rarely easy solutions.

Thirteen Things That Really Piss Jerri Off!...in no particular order 1) Poverty 2) Genocide 3) Racism/Sexism/most other "isms" 4) Ingratitude 5) Addiction 6) War 7) Cruelty 8) Indifference 9) Violence 10) Sexualization of children 11) Pollution 12) Mental Masturbation 13) Disease

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Spew on you!

For some strange reason, the swear words have been flying.

Just the other day, my ten year old was screeching one swear word in particular.

Can you guess which one?

I suppose I'm old fashioned, but if a child wants to swear in my home they had better do it quietly and in the privacy of their own room.

I make allowances for the occasional excited utterance. We can't control ourselves 100% of the time, and if a "hot damn" or two slip out every now and then, I can live with that.

Screaming "a**hole" over and over at 6:23 am, just because your older brother is being an annoying teenager, is simply unacceptable.

Yes, dealing with teenagers can sometimes inspire the desire to spew salty language hither and yon...and I'm sympathetic to my darling daughter's plight, really I am.

There have been many times when I've had to resist my own urge to spew.

But, in the final analysis, words do have power and I think it's a good thing to learn to control one's own spew.

What about you? Do you control your spew?

If not, spew on you!

(Awww c'mon, lighten up! I'm just kidding around!)

The Boob Fairy.

Ok, so I'm having a really, really bad day.

I won't bore you with all of the details, but suffice it to say that the walls are closing in and my sanity is in serious jeopardy.

This morning I needed a good laugh. I needed the kind of laugh that is so good, so belly shaking, that it somehow manages to push back the walls and simultaneously restore a mother's sanity.

Well, lo and behold, I happened across this little ditty entitled, "The Boob Fairy". I'm guessing that there are some of you out there who just won't appreciate the silly simplicity of this little song.

I, on the other hand did and it made me laugh. Oh, not a big laugh at first, but as I listened to the silly sweetness of "The Boob Fairy", my laugh grew and grew until the world didn't seem like such a dark and lonely place.

So, is your curiousity tweaked? Would you like to listen to "The Boob Fairy"?

Well then,

Click here!

Surfing with Christ

Christ came.

He saw.

He conquered.

That's how I feel about the way things went last night when I spoke about the spiritual discipline of fasting.

In the past when I've shared my passion for fasting with others, (which in my mind, is really feasting upon God), people have been very resistant to hearing my thoughts. It's as if the words in my heart would rise up through my throat and then get lost in mid air somewhere.

Last night was different.

People seemed to actually hear my heart last night. So much so, that they have agreed as a group, to attempt a 24 hour group fast next Saturday.

I think this is nothing short of a miracle.

If you doubt that God is active and moving among His people, think again! God's miracles abound in this world! I was privileged to witness more than one last night.

The first miracle, was that I was even asked to speak. Me, a nobody in this world, was asked to share a piece of her spiritual journey.

The second miracle, was that I could speak and that I was able to articulate what fasting has meant to me and to my relationship with God.

The third miracle, was that somehow, my heart spoke to their hearts.

Do you begin to see what I mean when I say: Christ came, he saw, and he conquered?

It was Christ in me who spoke. It was Christ in me who formed the words his people could hear. It was Christ in me who moved his people to consider fasting for our Father.

There is a fullness in my heart this morning, a deep well of gratitude for what Christ does for and through me.

I am learning that there truly is no greater privilege than to serve Him. I am learning that if I step out onto the waters of faith, I will not sink. In fact, today, Christ and I are literally riding upon the waves of our love for one another.

Can you see us?

Christ and I are surfing together; and if you listen closely, you will hear our delight as it echoes over the roar of the ocean!

It's the Awesome!

Today is the big day!

It is race day!

Thousands of children, from preschoolers to middle schoolers will be running in the Awesome 3000.

This is a truly "awesome" annual event, where every child is a winner!

My oldest daughter will be volunteering by assisting and encouraging the runners.

My ten year old and my eight year old will be running!

Our youngest son (the eight year old) is planning on wearing his faux coon skin cap, so we will be sure to see him and cheer him on when he runs by.

Isn't that hilarious?

Can't you just see him, running along, all decked out in his coon skin cap? Cracks me up just thinking about it!

Later gators, I'm off to the races!

*******************

PS~ Well, it is now 5:15 pm. The Awesome 3000 was, well in a word, awesome! Right now I'm foo-fooing up so that I will look presentable when I speak this evening on the spiritual discipline of fasting.

Please, if you are so inclined, would you pray for me?

I'm scared poopless!

Literally.

One More Empty Nest

The Hornby Island eagle nest is now empty.

I've been watching this eagle pair for some time now, hoping against hope that they would hatch at least one, if not two eaglets.

It is a sorrow for me to see their empty nest and to finally know that new life is not going to break through, in full view on my computer monitor.

I think this empty nest is a powerful image.

For me, it symbolizes lost dreams.

Millions of people were watching this nesting pair, anxiously awaiting the births of their eaglets.

Now we are all somewhat bereft as we log on and watch the streaming video that reveals neither mother, nor father, nor incubating eggs. Instead we see the emptiness of the nest and all the dreams we once had of watching this new generation of bald eagles hatch and grow, simply slip away.

And yet, somehow, those dreams are not completely lost. If you listen closely, you can still hear eagle calls being carried on the winds. The nest may be empty, but the promise of future generations still echo through the air.

Life will go on.

Thursday's Thirteen Things About My Week

Thirteen things about my week! 1… Yesterday, I realized that I covet my neighbor's wisteria! If I could I would sneak over in the dark of night and move that gorgeous creation from their yard to my own, I would! Bad Jerri! Baaaaad Jerri! 2...Apologies to all of my Hispanic friends, but I made flan on Tuesday and it was not a hit in our home. Suffice it to say, I am not a fan of flan. The strawberry shortcake on the other hand....oh, now that was the stuff dessert laden dreams are made of! (Oops I just dangled a preposition, my Mother is rolling over in her grave, isn't she oh sister mine?) 3...On Monday, a neighbor shared several monstrously sized salmon steaks that he had caught and cleaned that morning. We feasted that night. Groans of contentment were echoing in the Lance house! Kudos to Scott for his thoughtfulness and generosity! 4...My five year old told me yesterday that she prays for Satan. Some mothers would be horrified by this, but I have prayed similar prayers. I cannot help but hope that even Satan would one day fall to his knees in adoration before our loving God. (Do you suppose Satan even has knees?) 5...The spirit of God has been moving in and through me this week. I see the evidence of His presence written in the laugh lines of my husband's face, in the tender caress of my five year old as we snuggle on the couch, and in the wagging tail of our Lily beast who faithfully greets each and every one of us, every day, every time we return home. Yesterday, I prayed, "Thank God for you God!"and my five year old giggled. I heard God's laughter in her echo! 6...My husband and I finally lost our patience with our children for keeping such hideously dirty rooms. We gathered up 11 bags of "stuff" from their bedroom floors, and threw the bags in the backyard. They have until next Friday to sort through the debris and from then on everything is destined for the city dump. Would you believe that four days later, not a single bag has been sorted? In the meantime, they cannot watch tv, play on the computer, talk on the phone or play with friends...any bets on how much longer it takes to break them? 7....This week I've become keenly aware that several friends have disappeared in the blog-o-shpere! Chief among them is Debb! Debb, where have you been? 8...My friend Annie came to visit and she brought her darling grandsons with her. I could have smooched them both right up. I didn't though, because the older child was too old and the younger was only two and all the world knows that two year olds don't generally tolerate smooching from strangers! 9...I began two new books this week. One is called "Left to Tell" by Immaculee Ilibagiza, and the other is "Night" by Elie Wiesel. Both are MUST reads. (Don't read them in the same week however.....very soul heavy ponderings result when one seriously contemplates genocide.) 10...My friend Michele was off exploring the wilds of Arkansas this past week. I don't hanker to visit Arkansas, but I will admit to a longing for Paris....alas, my traveling bug will have to be satisfied with the trip to Montana later this month! 11...I've spent this entire week turning myself into a nervous Nelly, by worrying about my speaking engagement this Saturday. I hate that I've done this...I'd rather be stealing the neighbor's wisteria! 12...I planned my vegetable garden. This summer, if all goes well, we will feast upon corn, tomatoes, lemon cucumbers, radish, artichokes and the ubiquitous red leaf lettuce! We may throw in some other things as well...we always leave a little room for spontaneity! 13...I shaved my legs this week. This is how I herald in the spring....I whack off the winter's growth of leg hair. Sad, I know; but this is my life, strange as it all is and I thank God for it...every little bit!

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A pleasing failure?

This Saturday I will be speaking with one of the small groups at our church about the spiritual discipline of fasting.

I am so passionate about this subject.

I want to make every word count.

I want to inspire my brothers and sisters to rediscover the joys of fasting for themselves!

....but at the same time, I am afraid.

What if I forget my own story?

What if the words refuse to move from my heart to my mouth?

What if I choke?

Will God be disappointed in me?

Is it possible to still please God even if I fail?

Sponge Woman

This morning I attended my Moms In Touch prayer group.

One of the scriptures we prayed for our children was from Ephesians 6:10-18.

Be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints....

When it came my turn to pray, all I could say was this:

Heavenly Father, I don't know how to pray this scripture for my children; but I do know that I am not a warrior woman. I am more like a sponge. All I want to do is to soak up your truth, your mercy and your loving kindness.

Forgive me Father, but I pray that my children are like sponges too. I don't know much about swords or shields I only know what it is to be filled with your compassion and grace.

Fill us O Holy One! And then, when we are squeezed by the rigors of this life, or attacked by "the enemy", let it will be your love that comes pouring out from us.

Amen.

...have I ever mentioned that I'm a lousy out loud pray-er? I pray so poorly that I've had some prayer groups actually ask me not to pray out loud.

Fortunately, the women in this particular prayer group are truly gracious and loving women. They love me in spite of my strange conversations with God; and because they do, I see Christ shining in them.

They bless me and they strengthen me and I love them for it.

Me, the pitiful praying sponge woman.......