Grief and Restoration

It is so strange to think that I had a small stroke just a few days ago.

It is stranger still to know that I have an increased probability of suffering a more catastrophic stroke in the future.

I've had many thoughts run through my head since stroke day.

This morning, I found myself wondering what it would be like to die and to leave my family and friends. How could I possibly be happy in heaven without all of you?

If I were to die this young. If I were to suddenly be required to leave all of my loved ones behind, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my grief would be unbearable.

As I pondered this fact, I began to feel a deep sorrow grow within my own soul, until one gentle thought crept into my mind.....

As much as I might long for reunion with my beautiful children and friends, God longs for reunion with His beloved children even more.

And so, I now believe that if I were to die sooner rather than later, I would in fact suffer the pain of our separation; but now I also understand that in the dieing, I would be entering into God's own holy longing.

Somehow in some mystical way, I would share that holy longing with God; and somehow even the awful pain of my separation from all of you would be transformed into something lovely, and whole, and restorative.

It's odd how I could feel such peace in believing that upon my physical death I would continue to share in God's holy work...that I would continue to share in His longing for wholeness and restoration.

That idea had to come from God.

....and that peace that came was His also.

Praise be!

Hope, Strokes and Struggle

Guess what?

I had a stroke this week.

Yes, you read correctly, a freaking stroke!

What exactly does this mean for my future?

I'm not certain, so much is still unknown.

What I do know, is that I am somehow discovering hope amidst all of this uncertainty.

Strange isn't it....

....to find such hope in the struggle for one's life?