Grief and Restoration

It is so strange to think that I had a small stroke just a few days ago.

It is stranger still to know that I have an increased probability of suffering a more catastrophic stroke in the future.

I've had many thoughts run through my head since stroke day.

This morning, I found myself wondering what it would be like to die and to leave my family and friends. How could I possibly be happy in heaven without all of you?

If I were to die this young. If I were to suddenly be required to leave all of my loved ones behind, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my grief would be unbearable.

As I pondered this fact, I began to feel a deep sorrow grow within my own soul, until one gentle thought crept into my mind.....

As much as I might long for reunion with my beautiful children and friends, God longs for reunion with His beloved children even more.

And so, I now believe that if I were to die sooner rather than later, I would in fact suffer the pain of our separation; but now I also understand that in the dieing, I would be entering into God's own holy longing.

Somehow in some mystical way, I would share that holy longing with God; and somehow even the awful pain of my separation from all of you would be transformed into something lovely, and whole, and restorative.

It's odd how I could feel such peace in believing that upon my physical death I would continue to share in God's holy work...that I would continue to share in His longing for wholeness and restoration.

That idea had to come from God.

....and that peace that came was His also.

Praise be!