Terrified

My church keeps sending me letters of invitation to attend various workshops and/or seminars which focus upon developing the gift of evangelism.

Our pastor of outreach seems to think these materials are somehow relevant, or applicable to me.

In fact, I just received another in the mail yesterday.

I find this very puzzling because I do not believe that I am in any way, shape or form, wired to evangelize.

Then I read one of my favorite blogs, "Today at the Mission", and everything clicked.

The author at "Today at the Mission" is describing a coworker, whom he believes has the gift of evangelism.

Rhymes with Kerouac writes:
"I believe he has the gift of evangelism not because he goes looking for people to share the gospel with. On the contrary; it's because people keep coming to him."

Now, I'm not deluding myself. I don't have hordes of people flocking to my doors to be enlightened and blessed; but I have noticed a steady stream of people, young and old, who come to our home, and for whatever reason, they find a place where they are able to lay down their burdens.

They come, and they sit with me and we speak quietly of loving and of God. We speak less quietly of our hurts and our hatreds....sometimes we sob. Sometimes we laugh. Sometimes we pray.....I pray with my eyes wide open and my hands raised high, while they pray with their eyes clenched shut and reaching with their hearts for the most high God.

I'd never thought of this as evangelizing. I had refused to even consider such a thing. Yet now, triggered by two lines in another man's blog, the truth seeps in and I can neither pretend nor ignore what I know to be true.

I, Jerri, have the gift of evangelism.

.......and I am terrified.