God help me

CHOOSE LIFE

~ by Sister Helen Kelley

Choose life
only that and always,
and at whatever risk
To let life leak out,
to let it wear away by
the mere passage of time,
to withhold
giving it and spreading it
is to choose
nothing.

I confess that I do not always choose life; or perhaps I should say, that I often choose a half life.

And because I choose this half life, I sometimes feel I must horde every smidgen of life, every second of time and every ounce of love. I horde because the economy of my half life is one of scarcity. Want and need press me in from all sides. I live as if I am locked within some invisible box.

You see, there is never enough courage, or enough energy, or enough hope to push through this thin veil of my half life into a new life of abundance and wholeness. And so, I hide from relationships and opportunities because I am too afraid, too tired, or perhaps simply too uninspired to care. Some days, it takes all I have to live and breathe from one moment to the next.

I am painfully aware that this is not the way my life should be.

More than anything, I want to sweat life's sweetness through my pores and to giggle with delight when it balls and pools to form sweaty little rivlets that run down my face and neck and back.

More than anything, I want that throbbing energy of life to saturate my coming and going....so much so, that when I leave a place, people pause and say, "Hmmmmm, Jerri must have just been here."

Does anyone really hear what I am saying?

More than anything, I want this life to matter.

I want this life to matter....

I want my life to matter.

No more hording, no more hiding....just living.

God help me make it so.