What a life!

Ok, I admit it.

I may not read the entirety of our local daily newspaper; but, I almost always read the obituaries.

When I was a little girl I would read the obituary page. I don't believe that this habit developed out of a morbid curiosity over death....or maybe it did. I don't know.

All I know is that my parents thought I was strange for reading the obituaries back then, and that my children think I am strange for doing this now.

So I guess the verdict is in.

I am strange.

LOL!

Well, strange I may be, but if I did not read the obituaries I would have missed this gem. It is marvelous. This is a man I would have liked to have known.

Read on! What a tribute to the life of a man named, Ted A. Conrad.


Ted A. Conrad
December 23, 1928 - December 01, 2005

SILVERTON - I lived marching to my own drummer. So, at my request, no services of any kind were held, my headstone in Silverton’s own Boot Hill will say, “I always did my best,” and I wrote this obit myself.

My life was a superb adventure, which I lived to the hilt, immensely enjoying 99.3% of it. Like everyone else, I was dealt a hand or two off the bottom of the deck but the vast majority were off the top, good hands, well played. I’m grateful. I’m one of the super fortunate that got to accomplish every major goal I set for myself. I proudly served in the Marine Corps at the tail end of World War II. I became the Pacific Coast (seven western states) Champion race car driver. I was an executive in the business world doing work I enjoyed for an honorable company and a fine boss. I retired (quit) early so Aileen and I, with major help from my brother Bob, could hand build our log home way out in the woods of Washington state. A fine adventure.

I married (one at a time) all three of the women I loved: Nancy, Patricia, and Aileen. Nancy and I had a son, Christian, that got off of me like a dirty shirt in the early 1980’s for reasons unknown to me. Too bad. Wish he hadn’t. Bad hand.

Since 1986, I had the truly great pleasure of living in a fine old house in delightful little Silverton. Longest I lived in one place. It was an interesting and (mostly) an enjoyable experience to be a member of the Silverton Fire District Board of Directors and the City Council.

I had a scad of acquaintances, a few good friends and a bunch of enjoyable relatives. Drove fine automobiles, wore tailor-made clothes, drank the best liquor, ate at the finest restaurants. All told, I lived pretty high on the hog.

If you’re feelin’ flush, you could toss a coin into the tambourine for the Salvation Army or the Humane Society.

Along with the Eye of Ra now watching over her, please be especially nice to Aileen now. She is an exceptionally fine lady well deserving of your kindness and support. Unless she decides to leave Silverton, in which case it is OK to hiss at and boo her.

Adios to all. Thanks for your friendship. I always knew it was valuable. Time to put the trusty old portable manual typewriter away now. If I were on stage I would bow to you, with a flourish. Then exit stage left to the strains of the beautiful French horns in Mamzelle Angot as the lights dim to dark. Fare thee well -- especially Aileen.

Be honest now -- wasn’t reading this much better than feeling halfway obligated to attend some somber old drag of a funeral? Damn rights!