The solution to self-hatred?

Of all our infirmities, the most savage is to despise our being.
~Michel de Montaigne

I woke up earlier this morning than I usually do. Yesterday was a rough day for me. I did some things that I now wish I hadn't and I failed to do some things that I now wish I had. In so doing (or not doing), I let myself down and I let a few others down as well.

So, around 4:25 am I found myself awake, self absorbed, and lamenting my own inadequacy.

Trust me when I say, that it is not a fruitful endeavor to think unkind things about one's self and I don't recommend it to anyone. It certainly doesn't do much for one's ability to get a good night's sleep....

I don't know why I still struggle so ferociously with my own self-esteem and self-worth. Most of the time, I'm pretty well grounded and centered; but every now and then, the understanding that I am a complete and worthless nincompoop hits me like a ton of bricks right between my eyes!

This morning, instead of wallowing in my own self-hate I chose to consult with a Higher Power, and I decided to give the ugly thoughts to God. I've learned over the years that I don't have the power within myself to turn off my own self-condemnation; but He does. So, for the past few hours I've dialogued with God. Yes, I spoke to Him. I even sang to Him. And then I waited and I listened for His reply.

Gently and firmly, God has reminded me of His love. I am His beloved. My mistakes and my failings are vaporized in the light of His love and compassion.

In the stillness of the morning, God has also reminded me of my family. For a few brief moments, God has granted me the privilege of seeing myself through the eyes of the man and the children who love me so deeply; and then quite unexpectedly, God whispered into my soul, "As much as these precious ones love you, I love you more."

People often ask me if I really think God is talking to me. I always respond, "I don't think, I know God speaks to me." It's a heart knowledge that can't be fully explained to others, unless they themselves have experienced the mystery.

The sun has now risen and my hope is renewed. God has done for me what I could not do for myself. He has restored me to sound thinking and He has renewed my joy.

Thank you Heavenly Father for this new day!