The dreams that haunt my waking hours~part !

****disclaimer****
This was only a dream. I have never harmed a cat or any other animal; nor do I intend to!

Imagine a dank basement filled with innumerable cats. They've been locked away and hidden from the light of day. They are half starved, emaciated, and covered with fleas. They are hideous, hissing caricatures of their formerly healthy feline selves....unloved, half wild, and victims of horrific neglect.

I sometimes have dreams about such a basement.

The cats are there because I've hidden them there. For days on end, I leave them in the damp darkness, without adequate food or clean water. They reproduce, and they bear six toed, two tailed kittens...wild, half minded creatures, shockingly grotesque in appearance and behavior.

But, I do nothing to rescue these poor creatures. I feed them enough to keep them alive and I hide their existence, just as I hide my soul numbing shame deep within myself.

I cannot risk releasing these animals. If I did, everyone would know how horribly and cruelly I have mistreated them. Everyone would know that I am not who I pretend to be; and more importantly, I would no longer be able to deny my own evil doing.

When I dream about these creatures, the dream always follows a similar pattern. I usually dream that I am alone in my own home, when I suddenly notice smoke and flames shooting out of the wall sockets. The house is on fire and I know that I must leave; but I can't.

What am I to do about my basement full of cats?

I am paralyzed. I find that I am unable to leave those cats to perish in the smoke and flame; but, releasing them is also out of the question. I cannot risk being revealed as the crazy, cat torturing woman I know myself to be.

I would be lying if I did not admit how deeply this dream troubles me. In fact, this is the kind of dream that haunts my waking hours.....

One thing I've learned in recent years, is to pay close attention to my dreams.

I believe that our dreams sometimes tells us things about ourselves that we need to know. I also believe that God sometimes speaks to us in our dreams.

When I began having this dream about my basement full of cats, I had to ask myself, "What do I have to learn from this vivid and unsettling imagery?"

I've spent time in prayer, asking God to reveal this dream's meaning, if in fact there is meaning to be found. And, I believe that God has answered....

Check back for part two of this post if you would like to know what I have discovered!