Drawing comfort

Lately I have been suffering from the effects of a nameless kind of anxiety.

Thus, I've spent the better part of this day praying and carrying my bible around with me. I haven't actually read much in my bible, mind you; but I am finding that there's something about its very weight which is comforting to me. So, my bible follows me from room to room, largely unopened, and mostly unread.

Just a few moments ago, I began to wonder if this was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't draw such comfort from merely holding the word of God in my hands? Maybe a "good Christian" should draw their comfort from actually reading the word of God and then holding it gently in their heart?

Suddenly, I began to feel guilty. I began to feel inadequate and I began to wonder how it could be that I am even be worthy enough to hold a Bible in my hands.

If I draw comfort from the mere act of holding my bible, is that so wrong? Before everyone starts pointing their holier than thou fingers, consider this question. Could I draw any comfort at all, if I had not already found the truth of my own belovedness written in the pages God's love story to all humanity?

I don't think so.

As I sit here I am typing with my Bible cradled gently on my lap; and I am convinced that I am holding a mystery and a power that can in fact comfort an anxious soul such as my own with it's mere presence.

Would actually reading the Bible be of an even greater benefit? Perhaps so, but for now I am content to feel the reality of God's word by simply experiencing its heft and its weight in this book that I carry and hold.

I can always read later. For now, it pleases me and it comforts me to hold and to cherish this book....God's love letter, written for me (and you and all of humankind).

Maybe we've forgotten the simple pleasure and comfort that comes from holding a mere letter. We've gotten so lost in the computer age and the immediacy of e-mail, voice mail ect. that we've forgotten what it even feels like to actually hold a piece of written correspondence.

Or perhaps I am just trying to rationalize and explain away my own shortcomings.

Either way, I'm here, my bible is near and I am comforted.

Call me lazy or call me crazy. Those labels don't really matter anymore. I've already discovered my true identity. And if merely holding my bible helps me experience the presence of the living God, and simultaneously serves to remind me that I am His, so be it!

So be it!